Poor self image can make a victim out of all of us

Poor self image can make a victim out of all of us

“My mom always told me, ‘ how long you gonna play the victim?’ I can say I’m mad and I hate everything, but nothing really changes until I change myself.”--Kendrick Lamar

Some people who ask for help, don’t really want it. It is almost as if they like to be a victim. They never ask to be a victim and it brings great pain on them, but all they do is relive what happened to them over and over and do nothing concrete to fix, learn or combat it.

The second a person tries to tell them how to move on or get better, they break off the relationship. They don’t really want to get better they just want others to feel sorry for them.

I know this seems very odd, and most of us have no idea why people would do that. I also know more than likely we all or a great number of us know someone like this.

I believe a person needs to take and process what happened or what someone said to them that hurt. There is always got to be a why factor to any hurt. Why did this happen? What did they say? How should the person take what happened?

There will be a period of time needed to process all the information. We all do it, I do it and you do it, and that’s normal.

We should be a friend and let the person air it out, and try to make sense of it all. Always remember there is a fine line in when we need to listen, and when we need to talk and give our input.

I will be totally honest, I have a hard time with that myself. I always want to give my two cents, and when people just want me to listen to them, I think to myself, why did they come to me if they don’t want my opinion?

I am trying to work on it, and like to think I am getting some better. There is a time to listen and a time to talk. (Ecclesiastes 3:7) We must be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, and let him show us what we must do to help that person out. It’s not about us, it is all about how God is going to help them. We are just along for the ride.

We must be open to tell people the truth in love. Now there is a balance to all of this. When a person asks us for help in an area of their life, we should offer to help them the best we can by making time for them.

This may be just as simple as taking them to a movie, giving them our input or telling them how we or people we know overcome the same barrier. Let them know they are not alone.

People play the victim role, because they can feel all alone, it is one of the favorite tools in the Devil’s toolbox. If he can make us feel alone, than he has won three-quarters of the battle.

By telling people they are not alone and giving them stories of overcoming something they are facing, we rob the Devil of his power to tell the person they are alone.

What about those souls who don’t want to move on with their life?

Most of you, including yours truly will not like the other two options. If and only if the person is not making any improvement, or is just appearing to try to make themselves better, we might want to tell them the truth in love.

This is not yelling and screaming at them, however telling them nicely that we don’t see any movement towards getting better. We might remind them of what they can do to help themselves. We might not know if they’ve been truly busy or just forgot. Give people a great deal of grace.

If nothing else works and I mean nothing else, then the last result is to remove ourselves from the situation. Still be friends, let that person know you love them and are praying for them, but know that we did all that we can do for that person.

All we can do is love them the way that Jesus loves them, but don’t get entrapped by them not wanting to change. Know that we did all that we can do. Remember to love the person above all else, and give God room to work.

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