Weeds, woes and oh, my wallet drain
- Laura Moore: Housebroken
- June 10, 2025
- 359
In the spring a young weed’s fancy turns to thoughts of sprouting. Hiding under the lawns of most houses, these banes of every lawn lover’s existence greet each spring with a mindless determination to be fruitful and multiply.
At the same time of year, lawn-loving homeowners feel the primal urge to visit local lawn and garden shops. There, they arm themselves to the teeth with weed killer and fertilizer. In thousands of neighborhoods across the country, the battle is joined. It is a war fought furiously every year — determined humans against aggressive weeds. Eventually, the weeds win, but only at great cost to the humans.
Houses have countless ways of depleting the owners’ bank accounts, but the annual weed war is one of the best. In terms of cash, energy, aggravation and futility, the lawns are a bottomless pit.
Taller Half is a veteran of numerous weed wars — albeit a defeated veteran. The crabgrass did him in. Tough and relentless, crabgrass is the lawn lover’s Waterloo. The tenacity and fortitude of crabgrass are admirable. It is a fearless volunteer in areas where grass can’t be paid to root. It is often seen growing lustily between the narrow lines in brick walks and patios.
Taller Half’s weed war was really no contest. He was doomed to defeat before he began. Despite his best efforts, the grass withered and the crabgrass flourished. Though some grass managed to survive, it had to share the lawn with the weeds. It really didn’t look so bad for a while, but eventually, the weeds took over. However, they were green, and from a distance the lawn didn’t look too terrible.
Taller Half plans to plant clover next year.
Laura Moore can be emailed at lehmoore1@gmail.com.