By Joseph Maiorano
OSU Extension Crossroads EERA Educator Family and Consumer Sciences
June 1, 2011
308
Dating and courtship often lead to marriage. Then, as the saying goes, comes the baby carriage. But is each of you ready?
Today, I would like to talk about a process for couples who may be deciding to have children. Like everything else in your marriage, from laundry to grocery shopping to your sexual relationship, it is important for you to be on the same page. This can help avoid some of the challenges.
Becoming parents is a milestone in a couples life together. Parenthood is a demanding job. Children take time and energy, leaving a couple with less to give to each other.
Believe it or not, having a child is a much bigger step than getting married. Therefore, before having children, you and your spouse need to develop a solid relationship with one another. A solid relationship is not established overnight: it takes effort, commitment and a lot of patience. Through open communication and sincerity you will be on your way to strengthening your family structure.
In any marriage, the decision of whether or not to have children is as important a decision as the couple will ever make. Remember this: if the relationship between you and your spouse is strong, the chances for your having a successful family with children are increased.
Parenthood is a serious, long-term commitment.
Once a couple has developed a stable relationship, children are a wonderful addition to the family. As children grow, parents will be called upon to perform a variety of roles during their childrens lifetimes. These roles include caregiver to their infant, protector to their toddler, nurturer to their preschooler, encourager to their school-ager, and counselor to their adolescent.
As parents you need to have an understanding of how children develop. Knowing child development principles will help prepare you for the challenging and rewarding life as a parent. If not, you may find yourself feeling frustrated with a toddler who goes around your house dumping any container she/he toddles into.
Here are some questions you and your spouse can explore. These can help determine the degree to which children will fit into your lifestyle. These questions are one way to help you start exploring some of these issues:
Questions for Potential Parents
Consider the following. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers, only what you honestly feel. If you answer these on your own, come together and share your responses.
1. How many children would you like to have?
2. Describe the changes having children would bring to your lifestyle.
3. What are your views on discipline?
4. What will you do to establish a strong relationship with your children?
5. List what you feel the best reasons are for becoming a parent.
6. What are the qualities a person needs to have to be a good parent?
7. What are your greatest concerns about becoming a parent?
As you know, there is no instruction manual for parents. So, if you decide to have children, there are many different resources available to help you become better parents. Look in your phone book to contact The Ohio State University Extension office in your county.
Adapted from Ferrer, M. & McCrea, S. Couples Considering Parenthood. University of Florida Extension. FCS 2147. Found at: http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/pdffiles/HE/HE35700.pdf
Have a question you would like answered? Call 330-674-3015, email shumaker.68@osu.edu, or write to OSU Extension, Holmes County, 10 S. Clay St., Suite 102, Millersburg 44654.
