Extending the fairy tale
Naturally, there were also coffee beans. They filled the flower vases and offered a sweet-smelling aroma. Coffee mugs were the favors, adorned in pink writing - providing family and friends a permanent reminder of our day as they sip their morning java.
The favors were also beneficial because our guests now have no excuse for forgetting our anniversary. It’s written right on the mug.
The day was also complete with the dashing groom, a glittering ball gown and a sparkling tiara - practically a replica of my childhood dream. Our guests filled the church and the reception hall with their love and support, wishing us well as we embarked on our life-long journey.
As I reflect on that day in June, I realize how easy it is to get wrapped up in the fairy tale of the wedding. In fact, I found myself holding onto each moment and absorbing the magic that consumed each second. It felt like the planet stopped spinning; like together, we had that kind of power.
Sometimes, however, the materialistic elements of a wedding trump the rawness that is love. Couples often spend months or years planning their perfect day; locked in the spell of its anticipation.
Inevitably, the day does conclude. The tulle, flowers and candles are swept away. All that’s left are pictures, memorabilia and memories that fade with the years, as though their magic is time-limited.
Then the marriage really begins.
Whether a couple is in their first year or their 50th year, a marriage requires constant maintenance to grow and develop. Essentially, the partnership demands nurturance that mimics the enchantment of the wedding.
Seems easy, right? About as easy as trying to narrow down a guest list or decide on the style of the wedding dress, that is.
Improving the relationship’s charm begins with the mutual agreement that it is necessary and important. The continuation of that magic starts with investing more into the marriage. Time must be spent directed toward the exclusive well-being of the couple.
In that process, it’s important not to over-think that quality time. Along with self-care, it too can be carved into the routine of the week. There are plenty of overlooked spare moments in a day; they just have to be sought. Waking up a few minutes early or going to bed a few minutes late can be a start.
A couple can begin by engaging in meaningful dialogue regarding each other’s experiences on a daily basis. Open-ended questions yield the most information. They can be followed-up with questions like, “what do you think about that,” or “what is that like for you,” or “how do you feel about that?”
Asking questions regarding thoughts and feeling can improve the couple’s connection and reduce the stress and anxiety of a busy day.
Likewise, effective communication skills can decrease resentment or the build up of hostile emotions. Conflicts should not be ignored or avoided, but processed in a way that enhances the relationship. Couples shouldn’t dredge up past issues or use offensive language - there should be rules for those tiffs.
I-messages are statements that do not place blame or threaten the partner. Rather, I-messages convey what is felt and which behavior evokes the particular feeling.
For instance, a concerned partner may say, “When you spend our dates on your cell phone, I don’t get to talk to you like I want. It makes me feel frustrated and it would help if you kept it turned off.”
This type of communication affects the relationship in a positive way rather than in a negative way.
Communication is vital to driving the relationship forward, and so is participating in fun and relaxing activity. After all, the engagement was likely a time of excitement and creativity - couples can adapt that same imagination to their current lifestyle.
If finances allow, the pair can plan a small getaway. Wayne and Holmes counties are laced with bed and breakfasts and cabins. Other activities can involve a dinner out once a week, a trip to a favorite store, an exploration of the community or enjoying a quick retreat at a coffee shop.
Additionally, some couples might appreciate the opportunity to try something new. Cooking and baking classes, cake decorating classes, art classes or exercise classes can improve the bond and establish new hobbies that fuel the fire of the marriage.
The athletic couple can workout, hike a trail, bike ride, take a long walk or visit the gym. These can include a furry friend for additional fun.
Preparing a special dinner for one another can prove thoughtful and kind, especially when the ingredients are the partner’s favorites.
Rekindling the relationship can also occur miles away. The couple can revisit their honeymoon spot as the anniversary draws near. Memories of the wedding can be discussed on a sandy beach or beneath the sunset.
The relationship information on www.helguide.org suggests surprising one another with something small and unexpected, like a movie or flowers every once in a while. They also suggest maintaining a balance between couple time and individual hobbies, as outside friends and activities are equally important to the relationship. They breed self-esteem and improve the couple’s support.
Lastly, at the heart of any marriage is compromise and compassion - beating to the tune of happiness, sorrow, frustration, excitement…
As a result of these powerful emotions, a partner should be sure to validate the other’s feelings, rather than always seeking to fix the problem or defend their actions. Empathy has an allying effect of sorts - one that a couple requires in their life journey.
A life journey that began with a vow and an undying promise. A flash of time that rivaled Cinderella’s glass slipper or Snow White’s climactic kiss - a flavor of magic that must be repeated so it’s not lost.
Because extending a fairy tale is much easier than rewriting one.