Borderline truth
"What is truth?" Pilate asked, before cranking the wheels of Western history in motion, by sending Jesus to his death (and resurrection). Good question. What is truth? The other week, I observed a woman in church, who, by her own accounts, "speaks the truth" and is a "plain-speaking person." Yet the words that came out of her mouth, in her moments of truth, have been hurtful, caused long rifts, and she still doesn't seem to believe her truth, as she sees it, is more powerful and painful than a white lie, or saying nothing.
I'm sure we all know folks who are "blunt," "plain-speaking," "tell it like it is," or "never one to mince words." Maybe we are that person. So here are some words for thought, in my truth, about the truth.
Jack Nicholson's famous film line to Tom Cruise became a catchphrase of "you can't handle the truth." Maybe Jack is right. Name one person who wanted to be told they looked ugly in the new green dress they bought, at half price, and thought looked great enough to wear to their son's wedding? Or the person who took a chance and got the haircut their stylist wanted them to try for months, swearing it would take 10 years and five pounds off their face. Or the new mother who's afraid the baby pounds she packed on will never come off. Or the guy whose son isn't athletic, but likes to play Little League ball with his friends, just to play, not to always win, and can't catch a ball in left field to save his life. What level of truth do they deserve? The bare-bones honest kind? When did plain-speaking people ever do these folks an ounce of good?
During my recent student teaching experience, I took what is known as a "teachable moment" to tell my class of mostly sophomores and freshmen, and filled with the popular kids, that once we graduate high school, our world changes. Those who rule the roost in the hallways find that life outside of the school, with their former classmates whom they tortured, isn't always pretty. Graduation changes a lot and empowers the helpless freaks and geeks to speak up and move on with their lives, leaving the bullies (which is who some truth-only folks really are) in the dust.
The moment was a hit-and-miss one, and I knew it would be. Some of those tormentors squirmed in their seats, while their victims started to smile, not in an evil way, but a hopeful "it-doesn't-last-forever" kind of way. Others didn't get it. A girl told me a man approached her mom in the store, and asked her if she recognized him.
She didn't, the girl said, who was with her at the time. The man proceeded to remind Mom that he dated her in high school for a bit and she said awful mean things to him and he'd never forgotten them, and then moved on, leaving the girl and the mom to digest his words. The girl said, "But my mom always speaks the truth. I mean, she says people may not like it, but they need to hear it."
What, exactly, is it that people need to hear? I don't believe lying is appropriate. However, I would not go out of my way to tell someone their dress just looked awful on them, their son was a terrible ball player and should quit the team, their haircut was a hot mess, or if they were going to have any more babies, they'd better lose some weight before they even thought about it. However, there are folks on God's green earth, who believe, as this girl's mother did, it is their anointed duty as a human, to tell other people the miserable, ugly, awful truth. And of course they tell the truth for "their own good," mind you, so their victims can look back 20 years later, and say, "I'm so glad Mason was told, in front of his peers, how terrible he was at baseball," or "Thanks to Myrtle for speaking up in church; I'd have had another kid, and packed on 50 more pounds. She's a godsend!" or "Thank heavens Roy told me right before I danced with my newlywed son how bad my green dress looked and really was an awful color for me!"
I vividly remember years ago, when then-President George W. Bush was caught on camera, swearing about reporters. The late, great Paul Harvey, who would have condemned such vulgarities from other folks as, well, vulgarities, commended Bush in one of his daily newscasts for being a plain-speaking president. Because, you know, as America needs more folks spouting vulgarities in public and that plain-speaking president sent a message loud and clear to the very people who report everything he said and did. And then questions were raised about media coverage of Bush during his presidency. Really?
In reality, it's one thing to have a president or any person caught swearing. Bush wasn't the first or the last one to do it. But it's an entirely different thing to brand the actions of one person as "plain-speaking" and then "vulgar" when another person repeats the cycle.
We shouldn't be a civilization of liars and deceivers. No good comes from that. And that is the truth. Having made that point, I pose this question: should we be a civilization that delights in hurting and offending folks with our own tainted brand of the truth? Watch a nanosecond of television these days and see if some "truthful person" doesn't dramatically rip apart the poor unsuspecting soul next to them (all in the name of entertainment), and we are again given affirmation to be hurtful in our truthful ways.
If Pilate didn't know the truth, as he sat in judgment of the Son of God, who are we to know the truth as we do the same with our loved ones, friends, folks in the church pew in front of us, or complete strangers? I'm not talking about taking someone aside in love and intervening in their drug addiction, credit card mess, or the way they treat their spouse and children. It's also one thing to quietly tell someone their zipper is down or they have a smear of ketchup on their face, and quite another to put them down for the attire they wear, the way they look, the athletic performance level of their 7-year-old son, etc. Because in reality, that's what we're doing: putting people down, to alleviate any unwanted attention (we think) or judgment that may be passed upon us.
And in the end, when the real judgment comes, I fear, many plain speakers may be amazed at the truth that is laid out before them.