Take II on Super Dull XLV
If everything is bigger and better in Texas, the only way you could possibly say that for this super colossal yawnfest is to say that Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones can put together a program of incomprehensibly poor entertainment.
Now granted, Jones wasn't at fault for much of what went down, but inevitably, he will be the driving force behind what will surely only be remembered as Super Dull XLV.
Almost from the get-go, things fell apart — physically — at the Dallas Cowboys Stadium. Mountains of ice came crashing down on several victims, one of whom had his shoulder shattered in four places. Then, there was the debacle of the 400 people who had purchased seats, only to have them ripped away at the last second because the seats weren't ready. But hey, the fans, who traveled from who knows where to come to the game and see it in person, did get to watch the game from outside with the rest of the poor saps who paid to gather in a herd and watch the game on a giant TV screen.
FUN!
Then there were the over-hyped commercials, which, for years, have been grinding to an unimaginative halt. Apparently, kids going to college today should begin exploring getting into the advertising agency business as a major, because the people who are attempting to electrify the world with their catchy commercials are taking a full-force nosedive.
Aside for maybe VW's Darth Vader, a commercial which was chopped up from its original version to such a degree that it took the effectiveness out of the commercial, there were few hits.
How many times does e-trade think we will fall in love with that talking toddler, who's sarcasm knows no bounds? And Snickers... been there done that. Plus Richard Lewis? Maybe they could pick a notable person that registered on the star radar since 1996. Chances are good that 87 percent of the world had no idea that they were even watching someone "famous." What's more, could they put any more annoying "stars" in their commercials? Roseanne Barr? Ozzie Osbourne? Justin Bieber? Kim Kardashian? Joan Rivers? Richard Lewis?
How about that godaddy.com... We haven't seen an overhyped sex symbol who hasn't done squat in NASCAR the likes of Danika Patrick since Dale Earnhart Jr. Can Patrick expect anyone to take her serious as a driver while all we ever see is her wind-blown hair in ultra-tight clothing, as she makes believe in TV Land that she has actually done something worthy of our attention?
Is getting kicked in the crotch truly funny? Maybe to some, but not to anyone who has ever had it happen to them. Two things we can be sure of from Super Bowl commercials. One, men are the dumbest creatures on the face of the earth. Two, any time an animal and human being are in a commercial together, the animal will undoubtedly be the more intelligent of the two.
Super Bowl commercials have taken on an aura all their own over the years, but it may be time for them to go the way of Kajagoogoo and pet rocks.
Boy, what a major coupe it was for Christina Aguilera. Making up your own words to the American National Anthem on the world's biggest stage is always a good way to garner fans and make people forget that you've become a caricature of Madonna. Although in her defense, Aguilera did manage to successfully hit 4,983 different notes and lengthen out the anthem by seven minutes. Then there was the awesome fly-over by the Blue Angels. Did you see it? If you did, you're well ahead of the fans inside the stadium, who got to look up at a closed roof!
Fortunately for Christina, she had the Black Eyed Peas come along at halftime and successfully sweep away any recollection of her performance. The Peas displayed almost no originality in their performance, and Fergie managed to be off-key just enough to leave viewers balanced tantalizingly on the fence of whether she has any singing talent or not.
As for the game, it was close, and that was the one saving grace for the evening, because it was not a particularly well-played game. When passes weren't poorly thrown, they were being dropped. Penalties, turnovers... for a time I thought maybe the Browns actually had made a Super Bowl, and my TV set's color needed messed with.
So, it seems very fitting, that in a year when Jones' Cowboys were being touted as the team to beat in the NFC, and in a year in which everyone felt that Dallas may well be playing for the Vince Lombardi trophy in their own house, and in a year when the Cowboys... America's Team, apparently... had one of the ugliest meltdowns in recent NFL history, that all would go fearfully wrong for Jones on this, the biggest day of the NFL year.
There was one amazing part of Super Bowl XLV that should be remembered. Green Bay lost countless man hours this year, with nearly one-third of their roster going down with injuries over the course of the season, Those injuries included losing their two emotional leaders, Donald Driver and Charles Woodson, in the actual Super Bowl game itself. The Packers overcoming such devastating odds and winning the Lombardi Trophy is what people should remember when they think of Super Bowl XLV. It was a galvanizing team effort, and much credit must go to both the coaching staff and the players themselves for overcoming monumental odds.
Yes, this may be remembered as a Super Bowl that went down to the wire, but overall, it was in no way a day to remember for the right reasons.