Brown noser
Every class in school has at least one student who strives for approval from the teacher like it’s their job. The brown noser is the classic case of the kid who tries to say the right things, have the perfect papers, knows how to get the attention of adults – and usually the non-brown nosers have disdain for this individual.
The first brown noser I can remember was in third grade. I’d tell you her name, but it’s really not necessary – even if it was almost 18 years ago. Anyways, my first brown noser friend got straight A’s in class. She would look at test grades the minute they were posted up on the board. She would check in with the teacher to have her updated grade point averages each week. Her hand was always the first in the air and she was usually the last to leave the classroom each day. She knew how to work the system – and I was one frustrated individual.
The only thing is – I wanted to be her. I’ll confess. I wanted to be the brown noser. I wanted the grades. I wanted the recognition. I wanted the student/teacher relationship. I wanted the system to work for me. I wanted it all.
I wanted to be the brown noser. I wanted to be the brown noser SO BAD.
So, what did I do? I became the brown noser. I studied like her. I started answering questions the way she answered questions. I calculated my grades. I learned how to color like her. I even copied her handwriting.
And, it worked. In reality, I became a brown noser just like my friend. I learned that I can run with the big dogs in the brown nosing pack. It’s true. I worked hard and gained the approval I so desperately wanted. But, in the end, I never got enough recognition and I was always striving for more. Sure, I had great grades and penmanship that rivaled Microsoft fonts, but in the end, I was one empty little third grader.
If we’re honest with ourselves, there’s a part of us all that wants to be the brown noser. There’s still a part of me that wants the approval from others. There’s still a part of me that wants to be the best and have the highest achievements. And there’s definitely a part of me that still wants to be the one in the spotlight.
But, overall I don’t want to do it anymore. I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried.
See, when I look around and see people (and look at myself) who are striving so hard for more - it makes me tired. When I see grown adults competing for the spotlight and jockeying for position - it tugs at my heart. There are times I see people spend money they don’t have to get the recognition they want – and it makes me sad. When I hear adults boasting, or talking up themselves, I want to reach across the table and put my hand over their mouth.
Honestly, this is something we all struggle with each and every day.
The reality is, we all want to be recognized for what we’ve done and who we are, but usually we try to find it in the wrong place.
A new job opportunity.
A shiny new car.
The perfect spouse.
2.5 beautiful children.
The chance to shine above your peers at work.
An impeccable physique.
A raise.
The perfect outfit.
A new house.
I don’t know what it is for you, but usually there is something in all of our lives that makes us push and strive so we get the position and recognition we think we deserve. Watching someone, and watching myself use these things to fill our lives, is a gut-wrenching thing to experience. So, whatever it is you’re searching for, or whomever you’re looking to so you feel important, or whatever work you’re doing so you get recognition – STOP.
Chances are you’re tired and aren’t really satisfied anyways.
Instead, we have to continually look outside of ourselves to find our significance – because it doesn’t come through any of the things I’ve mentioned. When I remind myself that I don’t need the best, the most important, the most attractive I find I am actually more content with who I am and where I’m positioned in my life.
I’ve learned to surround myself with trusted friends who know me and who remind me that I don’t have to strive so hard to be the best or jockey for position. I have mentors who are ahead of me in life – they help me sift through what is valuable and truly important – and in the end give an impeccable perspective. And, the most important thing I’ve found that keeps me settled and secure is my faith.
For me, I’ve learned to love Matt Beres and the unique way God created me.