For now I say farewell
- Amber Miller: A Word of Truth
- September 9, 2018
- 2340
I am a planner. I am not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type of person, and anyone who really knows me knows that. I plan out how I think or would like things to go so I can be prepared and not caught off guard.
I have to say God changed my plans recently and caught me off guard. You see I know God called me to write several years ago. He put that desire in my heart, and he opened up some amazing doors to make that possible for me. The writing wasn’t about me but about him, about sharing his love, grace and goodness to the people in our area.
I was passionate about it, at times took public ridicule for it and knew I was doing exactly what he called me to do. I often wondered how long I would write my column. Would I still be doing the same thing in 10 years? I didn’t know but didn’t plan to quit anytime soon. I held the position with the highest honor and diligence and put my heart and soul into everything I wrote.
So imagine my surprise that my desires have changed the past several months. Lately it seems more like “I have to write” rather than “I get to write” my column. And to be quite honest, it has perplexed me.
“God, what is going on? I know you have called me to do this. But it just isn’t the same as it was. It’s feeling more like a burden than a blessing. Isn’t something wrong with me?”
My natural mind was fighting against the leading of the spirit and led me to a place of guilt for feeling this way.
“This can’t be God, can it? After all, he opened these doors for me. He called me to teach people of his love and grace, about healing and the full package Jesus has made available. It can’t possibly be him leading me to give it up. This is my ministry. Would he really want me to give it up? What if I don’t get a chance to speak into people’s lives again like I have these past five years?”
I am a firm believer in Psalm 37:4, which says to “delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Sometimes those desires God puts deep inside us go against how our natural minds think things should be. It may not make sense at all, and that is what I was struggling with. But our job is to follow him and his leading and not the plans we have made for ourselves.
God reminded me of Proverbs 3:5-6, which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.”
I have to say this decision has not been easy, but I really feel it’s what God is calling me to do right now in this season in my life. I don’t know if it is permanent or temporary. I really don’t. And I don’t think I need to know at this point; all I need to do is step out in faith in what God is leading me to do and trust. I, Mrs. Planner, don’t have to plan it all out.
I have the master planner working on my behalf, and all I know is sometimes I have to give up what I think the plans for my life will look like and go with what God wants to do in my life. Isaiah 55:9 says, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Just because I may be called to give this column up at this point does not mean God is done using me, and that is something I’ve learned to take comfort in. I know as of late I’ve been seeking God in a needy sense in order to get revelation on what to write about, rather than just seeking him.
I don’t like that. I don’t want that pressure but rather want to come to the throne of grace and fellowship with my daddy God, who loves me so much, just me and God, no strings attached.
So farewell for now dear readers and thanks to all of you who have supported me these past five years. Nothing made my day more than someone telling me how my article spoke to them or encouraging me to keep writing because I was making a difference.
Never forget God loves you. He is good, he wants good things for you and Jesus is the supply for all your needs. Goodbye and blessings to you all.
Amber can be reached at amberdeemiller32@gmail.com or through her AmberRiceMiller Facebook page.