Our houseboat never left the house
- Laura Moore: Housebroken
- December 5, 2023
- 481
We had a houseboat once. We didn’t live in it; it lived in our driveway. It was purported to be a speedboat, but on our asphalt driveway it seldom moved.
This story began when Taller Half came down with a virulent case of boat fever. A next-door neighbor bought a boat and invited Taller Half to come see and admire his
purchase. Evidently, boat fever is highly contagious, and it wasn’t long before Taller Half succumbed. Males are very susceptible to this ailment, though females are by no means immune.
However, boat fever is acutely painful to the checkbook. It’s not just buying the boat, but also buying all the stuff for the boat. The next week was spent cleaning, waxing and showering that boat with little goodies, like life preservers, anchors, compasses, awnings,
buoys and, of course, a vinyl cover. Heaven forbid rain should get that boat wet.
I was rather taken aback. I had no idea boats required so much time, energy and money. I just assumed the boat was a new way for us to enjoy the nearby lake. Finally, Taller Half christened his new boat “As Soon Parted” after the fool and his money and towed it to the lake for its maiden voyage.
It must not have liked it out there because it only ventured out a few more times before settling down permanently on our driveway. It became a stationary status symbol for our house. Taller Half finally admitted towing that boat to and from the lake and then putting in and out of the water was exhausting.
As the saying goes, the day he sold that boat was the second happiest day of my husband’s maritime life, the first being the day he bought it. Without the boat ornament, the driveway looked bare, and the house looked lonely.
Out of the kindness of his heart and the money he made on the boat, Taller Half found the perfect replacement — an ornamental camping trailer.