You need to know the terminology
- Laura Moore: Housebroken
- August 29, 2023
- 671
Life has taught us that houses and humans aren’t that different. Whether it’s a house looking for a buyer or a human looking for a mate, the same rule applies — accentuate the positive, ignore the negative.
As an example, this ad came to our attention while we were looking for our first place to buy. “Big, old house” in a “pastoral setting, perfect for the family who wants the peace and quiet of country living.” It sounded great, so we made a date to see the place.
Twenty miles out of town at the end of a dirt road, stood a big, old place. There were six bedrooms upstairs and one bathroom downstairs.The bedroom had 12-foot ceilings and tiny closets while the kitchen was huge with very few cabinets. The “pastoral setting” consisted of several acres hip-deep in weeds.
Over the years here is what we learned about other house hunting terminology.
“Starter house” is just another way of saying “for beginners only” — experienced homeowners will know better.
“Dream house” means an expensive house with dreams of glory. The owner is having nightmares.
“Owner anxious” is exactly what it sounds like — desperation. The house has a debt-grip on her owner and won‘t let go.
“Executive home” is fairly straight-forward. The house has extremely high owner income standards.
“Handy person’s special” targets those masochistic buyers who long to suffer.
“Move-up house” is for homeowners with a small house and too little debt.
“The perfect house” is a total fantasy — there is no such thing.
“A steal” is my favorite. It is up front and honest; the house will rob you blind!