Etiquette and manners are fading
- col-lee-elliot-aging-graciously
- January 18, 2024
- 513
I received fewer “hold in the hand” Christmas cards this year than usual. It felt a little disappointing, though I must admit I totally understand. Adding the cost of postage to the cost of a beautiful card makes the sending of large numbers a major portion of the holiday budget.
I also have to admit I am part of the nonsending group as I have enjoyed designing lighthearted, personalized cards and sending them to my friends on the internet. I may change that in the future, as I found I really enjoyed opening and displaying those that did arrive here.
Even fewer than the traditional cards were the thank-yous. In fact, there were none, and in most cases, not even a phone call or text. The rule in our house, both while I was growing up and while I was raising children, was thank-you cards had to be sent by New Year’s Day.
A morning was set aside for that task, which I will admit did seem a bit of unnecessary drudgery, and the cards were written, addressed, stamped and sent by those of us who had received the gift.
To not do so was a major breech of etiquette.
Wikipedia describes etiquette as a set of norms of personal behavior in polite society, an ethical code of social behaviors practiced by a social class. The term dates back to 1750. In that century and ever since, manners, either good or bad, have identified class.
Manners, for the most part, seem to be disappearing today. I don’t understand that. Courtesy, usually taught by parents, seems to be falling by the wayside in our ever-busy world.
A couple of years ago, I visited a classroom where students were involved in writing thank-you notes to someone who had donated a large amount of time and money to them. These were nice, bright, enthusiastic, talented students.
Watching them, I discovered they did not know how to write a note, not the salutation or the content, and did not know how to address an envelope. Their teacher was having to show them. Further, they did not write in cursive, which may not be such a bad idea, especially if one’s handwriting deteriorates as they age.
I still have many friends who send “thinking of you” and thank-you notes. Many design their own, something that makes the message even more personal and enjoyable. The cost of cards keeps going up, yet the card companies are losing money because fewer people are buying them. Those that keep the companies in business are birthdays and Valentines.
As seniors we probably take rudeness more to heart than others do. It seems being rude is now a symbol of power, of the philosophy, “I’m gonna do what I wanna do and say what I wanna say, and you can’t do anything about it.”
I, for one, can’t ignore that kind of immaturity. I will continue to send gifts, appreciated or not, and remind my family those acknowledgments were due this week. Come to think of it: I have several thank-yous and a number of “thinking of yous” to write today. Make someone happy. Tell them you appreciate them.