What I've learned about the value of promises
- col-leslie-pearce-keating
- July 27, 2023
- 443
I often tease my family that since I moved to Wooster 40 years ago, my car can now navigate the drive to Youngstown all by itself.
But I will admit when uncle Don died in March, a little bit of my heart went with him. As a result, I didn’t even want to go “back home” since he left this earth. He promised me years ago that when my mother could no longer talk to me on the phone, he would. And he kept that promise. Through so many hard things, we talked. He told me he loved me every single time.
However, after a year in the nursing home with long COVID, a failing heart and his overall waning health, the sweet man decided 90 was old enough. He stopped eating last winter. He got weaker every day until he died. I knew that day one of my dearest friends was gone.
I figured there was one favor I could do for my uncle, so this last time I went to see Mom, I drove over to another facility to see aunt Ann, my uncle’s bride of 66 years. I know how long they’d been married because my mom was pregnant with me when she attended her little brother’s wedding. Four months later I was born, and Don and Ann became my godparents.
When I arrived at the facility, I found my aunt in her small apartment downstairs in the assisted living’s memory care unit. She had a gaggle of geese and their babies swimming in a pond outside her window as company. Ann’s hair was not the gorgeous blonde mop I am used to seeing. No makeup adorned her face either. So much has changed for my beautiful aunt who is clearly mourning. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart.
I loved her even more for loving my uncle so deeply that it was mirrored on her face. She was watching TV without her hearing aids too, so the TV was blaring, and we simply couldn’t find the remote.
Aunt Ann greeted me with a “Well, hello there, Honey.”
I wasn’t sure if my sweet aunt remembered my name, so instead of her struggling, I reminded her I am her niece Leslie. Her eyes lit up when she heard my name.
“Of course, you are Leslie,” she said. “I’m so glad you are here.”
I brought her a big piece of birthday cake from my friend’s house, which she enjoyed eating, especially the yummy, pink flower on top, just like my uncle Don would have loved. My family adores icing — none of that bare cake stuff in our clan. Aunt Ann confirmed she is still 39, which made us both giggle.
I tried to communicate with her despite the loud TV. It didn’t work too well, so I just held her hand. She looked at me occasionally to see if I also thought the TV show was funny, and she occasionally squeezed my fingers. My uncle and aunt’s 50th wedding anniversary photo sat on the large furnishing that held the TV. When my aunt saw it peeking out, she turned her head in sadness. The nurse told me sometimes Ann knows my uncle has passed; other days she doesn’t. All she is certain of is that he is gone.
I’ve learned a lot about the value of promises from my longest married relatives. My uncle always treated his wife like a queen, and she reciprocated by being gorgeous all her life, a princess, if you will. After all, this past week she turned 93 and is still so lovely.
I’ve also learned when someone you love is hurting, sometimes all you need to do is show up, hold their hand and bring them a big slice of cake with pink flowers. That just might cheer them up enough to endure another day. It’s really not hard. Also, a hug speaks louder than words, in case you’re wondering.
If someone loves you enough to help you through the hard times with their compassion or counseling, it’s also nice to reciprocate with homemade soup or a phone call once a week or so. And if their wife is mourning, it doesn’t cost much to sit with that person and really care, maybe a few tears.
Life really isn’t as complicated as we make it out to be. Love one another — that’s what Jesus said — not judge one another or dislike certain folks because of their religion or skin color.
Calling your elderly parents and relatives is a good idea too. All those little kindnesses really work. And it makes you feel good inside to do them.
Even if you do cry the whole drive home.