One vote to include jousting in the Olympics
- Tom Rife: Livin' the Team
- July 8, 2021
- 690
The 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games, delayed a full year because of the global pandemic known as COVID-19, finally are ready to dominate the NBC airwaves. Tune in July 23 for the highly anticipated opening ceremony.
The prime-time broadcast will feature special coverage of Team USA, along with all the stirring pageantry and Parade of Nations. Coverage is to begin at 7:30 p.m. (Killbuck Marsh Time).
You may have heard that, along with the wide assortment of team and individual medal events usually associated with the Summer Games, some new sports have been added this time around. Will skateboarding, sport climbing — which includes something called “bouldering” — surfing and karate juice up the TV ratings? Well, that is, as they say, TBD (to be determined).
For the record, baseball and softball have been reinstated as medal sports, thanks in large part to their popularity in Japan. They don’t officially qualify as “new” sports in these Tokyo Games.
None of this, however, provides any solace whatsoever to certain target audiences. Take, for example, the bazillions who idolize competitive eating royalty Joey Chestnut. Though the 37-year-old scarfed down a record 76 Nathan’s hot dogs in 10 minutes during the now-traditional July 4th telecast a few days ago, there apparently is no appetite for such contests in the Olympics.
Nor will there be any medal rounds designed to accommodate viewers prone to watching monster truck acrobatics. Gymnasts Simone Biles and MyKayla Skinner will do gravity-defying routines, that’s for sure. Sadly, Dawn Creten (Scarlet Bandit) and Krysten Anderson (Grave Digger) won’t be included.
Kyle Troup and Jakob Buttdurff won’t make the TV show in Tokyo either. While bowling once was a “demonstration sport” in the Olympics (Seoul, 1988), the world’s top keglers are nothing but “ringing 10-pins” to International Olympic Committee ears.
That’s the problem when it comes to adding a sport to the Olympic ledger. There are only a couple of different paths to inclusion. The traditional way is for a sport's international federation to petition the IOC. The alternative is for local organizing committees to push favored sports in their country.
So far no one has gone to bat for cornhole or poker, even though hours of TV time are now devoted to such endeavors. The same goes for Red Bull Soap Box Derby and lawn mower racing.
What about the Scripps National Spelling Bee? Don’t ya think that would add a buzz around the Games, not to mention a viable educational component? Students worldwide would swarm for a chance to seize the gold.
What other sports might be interesting candidates for Olympic consideration?
What about a celebrity challenge match where golfers Phil Mickelson and Bryson DeChambeau actually put on pads and take a few bruising sacks like Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers do on Sunday afternoons? Seems like that would “level” the playing field a bit.
There are, of course, countless other sports worthy of inclusion in the Summer Games.
They could expand cycling to include recumbent trikes. Separate divisions for tadpole and delta styles are a must.
Why not go to a lake for a spin-casting competition? In lieu of medals, give the winners gold, silver and bronze Zebcos to dangle around their necks.
Include wakeboarding. Pair it up with this year’s skateboarding.
Speaking of lakes, no doubt some viewers will watch the Olympics at their favorite local watering hole. Perhaps they would enjoy seeing some darts included in the action. At the very least, there should be a couple of Foosball tables or air hockey eliminations. Pong, anyone?
Even better, my wish is to go all the way back to Medieval Times for some jolly ole jousting. You know, take a couple of stabs at it. For starters, ladies first: Pelosi against Boebert. Then Schumer against McConnell — for all the marbles.
Did someone say marbles?
Let the Games begin!