I ran across a photo stashed between some of my photo albums the other day. You know how it is when people give you random photos they took and you dont have any immediate place to put them, planning to put it away someday.
This photo grabbed me and I had to stare at it for a while. It was a scene from Christmas caroling last December. It included Laura, and her small son, Ethan, from my church. Laura had the voice of an angel, we all thought. She was one of our favorite soloists at church. There were other choir members in our small group that night, too, so for once, I was in a caroling group that sounded really good.
Laura had not felt like going caroling at all that night, she said. But her son, age 5, begged her to go. So they came.
It was not simple pre-Christmas tiredness and busyness that made Laura feel like staying home. Laura was suffering from incurable cancer; she had already outlived the doctors timetable. So she was fatigued and frequently nauseous. But there she is in my photo, singing with a smile, her treatment wig replacing the natural blonde hair she was blessed with. Im sure she sensed it would likely be her last time caroling with her son, short of a miracle. We all knew it. She never shied away from facing her cancer in candor and honesty. I remember studying in Sunday school classes with Laura, The Shack by William P. Young, and The Last Lecture by Randy Posh, two books struggling with death, tragedy, and unanswered questions. She did not dance around her prognosis or her feelings about it, except when it came to Ethan. With him, she wisely answered his questions, yet did not give him more information ahead of when he needed it: for instance, she told him mommy was very sick and would lose her hair, not that she was going to die. Later on, she told him she wouldnt be returning to work at his school, and so on.
Then in late January I had the opportunity to interview Laura for the Shaping Families radio program we produce at MennoMedia. We work about two months ahead on the radio programs. Laura lived until the very day her program was broadcast on Palm Sunday in our area, April 17. She died that afternoon. Im sure the program was the farthest thing from her mind that morning, or her familys mind, but the irony was not lost on a lot of people. Her program was the most downloaded and accessed of the programs website all year at http://www.shapingfamilies.com/2011/4/16/Feature/Facing+Cancer, partly because she was also a much-loved first-grade teacher. Fellow teachers, parents and students appreciated being able to still hear her voice and her amazing outlook.
So much of what Laura did in her last year was for Ethan: she and he were able to take a very special trip to Alaska so they could see together those mountains and wildlife. Laura said Ethan kept her going. When she first received her devastating news, she first screamed in disbelief and locked herself in the bathroom. But knowing how much her son and husband needed her, from that day on she didnt allow herself to be depressed. She focused on three things: her family, her faith, and her first graders (until she had to finally resign.)
Her faith and her singing were inseparable: Singing was the primary thing that kept me connected to God, and carried me through some of the darkest times, she said.
She said her son is intelligent and resilient and strong, and he is going to carry on and grow up to be a strong person, able to deal with whatever comes.
Im grateful for that photo of Laura and Ethan caroling, her last Christmas on earth, and also extremely grateful to Laura for sharing her life and witness with thousands of others. I will keep that precious picture and let it speak to me year after year. Am I living connected to God? Am I putting priority on the important things: family and faith? The picture also reminds me to keep praying for Ethan and his father.
This year, I just have to say the obvious; Laura is singing with the angels. We, and her family, would rather have her here, but that was not to be. The holidays are an especially difficult time for any family who has lost a loved one in the past year. We pray for Gods presence and love to be with all those in that situation. A blessed Christmas to all.
Were offering a free booklet, Getting through the Holidays When Youve Lost a Loved One. We also have a free CD of radio spots on grieving called Glimpses of Hope that a number of radio stations are playing as public service announcements. Request a copy for your personal/church use or to take to a local station to help those in your community. For either item write to Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22803, or email melodied@mennomedia.org.
Another Way is a column from Third Way Media by Melodie Davis. She is the author of nine books, most recently Whatever Happened to Dinner and has written Another Way since 1987. She is also the producer and co-host of Shaping Families radio program (shapingfamilies.com) airing nationally.
