My recent column on being asked to do too many things and feeling too busy, especially at church, brought some great food for thought from an older (older than me!) reader. So I asked her if I could share highlights without revealing name or location so readers would wonder, is this happening at our church?
I had complained, essentially, about needing time to jump off the treadmill, which is one issue. But another very big issue that this reader explored is how, too often, once people reach a certain age, they are no longer asked to take much of an active part in churches, especially in a public waysuch as speaking, leading or special music. Perhaps we have become too professional in our approach and orientation in congregational worship (Im thinking of churches where non-ordained leaders take a very active part reading scripture, helping with dramas, singing, etc.). The pastors or leadership team may worry about who is able to appropriately get up in front of the congregation. Some older members are just aching for a chance to participate publicly. They are overlooked or outright denied the opportunity.
My responder wrote:
Your article on not having or taking time for fun was thought provoking. When you get to be 86 you will realize how hard it is to take a back seat. Thats probably why I volunteer as much as I do.
They [at church] never ask me to read the opening scriptureI would need a little handrail to get up the steps. I would never want to lead the whole thing [as a lay leader] but I do enjoy reading with expression and clearly so people can hear.
At [an earlier church] I helped with drama for Summer Bible School. What enjoyment! I did a monologue once of the Samaritan woman [John 4 in the Bible]. I mostly made it up myself, I think. I loved the costuming, etc., all of it! Even [at another church in a different state], I was put on for stories or readings. Not any more.
I read her comments sadly and thought of my own church. Understandably, very often pastors are quick to use the young, the over-involvedeven youth and children, before the elderly. Maybe its because we dont want visitors to think that the service lacks youthful energy and appeal?
If young children make a mistake when they help lead worship or act in a skit, it is considered cute and adorable. When an older person loses their place reading because of sight issues, talks too softly or too loudly into the microphone, takes a long time to get to the pulpit, we are embarrassed and squirm for them. If the older person has adult children at the church, the adult children may privately ask the leadership to not allow their parents to embarrass themselves again. Sound familiar?
One retired minister told me that he had retired early so that he would have time to lead retreats and speak at other churches, something he enjoyed doing very much. But once he actually retired, those requests pretty much stopped coming. He was still very capable and willing, but he found he was out of the loop.
Of course a congregation needs to find a balance in involving all ages and both genders appropriately in public settings. Pastors get too many complaints on all sides of many issues! The woman who wrote me a letter noted that she was plenty glad that no one asked her to teach anymore or be on a food committee or president of the womens groups. But she did love reading to people, acting in skits, and earlier, singing or leading singing. As she said, she is able to use her love of reading out loud when she volunteers at a nearby retirement center to those who no longer can read for themselves.
But what a shame when we overlook those in their eighties who still can do a very good job of reading, acting, participating. Our choir, Im happy to say, accepts singers of all ages, even after were past our prime.
In The Power of All: Building a Multivoiced Church, (Herald Press, 2012) authors Sian and Stuart Murray Williams talk about churches needing to use and value the gifts of all members in our worship services. It provides the theology behind what Im saying. If there are those at your church or organization who complain about being too busy and overwhelmed, perhaps some who are older but still very capable are being overlooked.
Is this your church?
Comments? Send to me at melodied@mennomedia.org, or Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22803, or post on the Another Way Newspaper Column Facebook page.
Another Way is a column from MennoMedia by Melodie Davis. She is the author of nine books, most recently Whatever Happened to Dinner and has written Another Way since 1987. She is also the producer and co-host of Shaping Families radio program (shapingfamilies.com) airing nationally.
