I had no idea it was coming, but last week I got the news:
I am living in a house divided.
This news came to me gently, though the shock still remains. Husband and I were having our usual 15 minutes before sleeping conservation the other night, while the Indians were just about ready to raise the white flag on the evening radio broadcast.
Our conversations are just about what youd expect from two people who have been married nearly 15 years: why the city is tearing up the front yard this summer, what The Nipper is going to need for school, a back and forth about family finances and then, finally, a recap of whats going on in the world.
In the midst of a seemingly innocuous discussion of Americas chances in the Olympic swimming pool, I occasioned to mention how Mitt Romney seemed to make one misstep after the other while touring Europe.
Husband did not disagree, but then turned quiet.
Thinking the pillow chat was over for the night, I rolled onto my side, hoping for a peaceful nights rest.
Then it came: I think my vote will cancel out yours in November, Husband said.
Huh?
Im going to vote for Romney, probably, he said.
Total stillness followed.
No, youre not, I said. Youre just yankin my chain.
No, Im not, he said.
OK. I am prepared for the family crisis. I quietly go through my reasons for being a good Democrat – something I inherited from my mother. I did, after all, vote for George McGovern in my second-grade election. I was one of the 5,000 people in the whole country who voted for Michael Dukakis. I nearly got an ulcer during Bush-Gore.
I dont even know you, I said.
More silence, followed by, I can vote for whoever I want.
Holy FDR! I was bolt upright and ready for the fight.
And then it occurred to me. Husband and I are a microcosm of this country. Hes got his reasons. Hes thought about his vote. He makes valid points.
And so do I.
And unless theres a real October surprise, neither of us is going to change our minds. So weve agreed to let it go. We have a general rule in our house – if you want to keep your friends, you dont discuss religion, politics or child-rearing. If you agree, theres no point. If you dont agree, youre probably not going to convert anyone and the chances are better that someone is going to walk away alienated.
Heres what I do know. You make your choice and its not my place to criticize. I expect the same treatment. For the life of me, I cant imagine why political discourse has gotten so downright ugly – like the guy who said Ill vote for the Mormon before I vote for the Moron.
Seriously? I might not agree with someones stance – but Im stopping well short of name-calling or stereotyping. I might be impressed by your argument – even if I dont agree with it – but name-calling is going to get you nowhere, unless your goal is to look ignorant and intolerant.
For the next few months, Husband and I will sit side by side and watch the same news (half Fox, half CNN – with some PBS thrown in for good measure). Well nod politely and respectfully.
And come November, we will go to our mutual polling place and cancel out each others vote.
Life will go on – no whining, no gloating. Whoever wins the Presidency will have the support and respect of both of us. Because we like to think THAT is the American way.
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