Would you describe yourself as a happy person? What does it take to be happy? Money, beauty, a good job, faith, a good marriage?
You can have all of those things and not be happy. But surveys also correlate more happiness with some of those things. And research today about the brain says you can practice becoming happier.
The other day I was struck by watching a lone basketball player perfecting a three-point shot over and over again. Mainly I thought the automatic ball returner was so neat; it kept passing him the basketball so he could stand in one place and keep shooting. He had quite a string of eight or nine consecutive three-pointers, but then his focus must have gone awry. Its a little like that with happiness: becoming a happy person can be practiced and learned and you have to keep your concentration focused on the goal.
In the book, The Science of Happiness: How Our Brains Make Us Happy and What We Can Do to Get Happier, by German science writer Dr. Stefan Klein, (translated by Stephen Lehmann), the author said studies show increased activity in the area of the brain associated with pleasure after satisfying or nourishing activities or thoughts. Neuroscience, the study of the nervous system and brain, has advanced greatly in the last 10 years, and now most psychologists and doctors agree we can retrain our brains, even in adulthood. Klein points out that neuroscience shows that we have dedicated circuits in our heads for positive feelings, enabling pleasure and enjoyment to thwart negative emotions such as sadness and fear. (Da Capo Press, 2006, p. 256)
Other writers, such as psychologist Martin Seligman (University of Pennsylvania), have suggested as happiness boosters such things as keeping a gratitude journal, jotting down three good things or blessings that occur each day, and practicing acts of kindness for others (The Science of Happiness Turns 10, Time Magazine, July 8, 2009). But just repeating the same old techniques over and over again can become stale and depressing, others discovered (Sonja Lyubomirsky, University of California, Time Magazine). Lyubomirsky found that people who did the same acts of kindness day after day for 10 weeks actually got less happy. Duh. I can see how that would work.
This all suggests that paths to happiness are as individual and unique as the six or more billion people on the planet. Literature on the topic points to Seligman as instrumental in starting the field of positive psychologyin other words, looking at what makes life fulfilling and good (rather than focusing on the stress, sadness, grief, etc. that tend to make us feel rotten).
Carolyn Moynihan, editor of a website, http://www.Mercatornet.com, surveyed the idea of how we get happy and reported on some conflicting studies and evidence. But common sense underlies her findings: the happiest people are those who are engaged with others, who do other things besides just watching TV (read, listen to music, or enjoy a hobby) and who actively practice faith. (http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/christmas_cheer/)
Lifting yourself from a case of the blues or everyday doldrums is different from clinically diagnosed depression or mental illness for which you may need medical help or therapy. Also, studies show that while money doesnt make you happy, if you are unemployed, or making less than $5,000 a year family income and barely surviving, you will be happier if you move to an income of $30,000-$50,000 a year. Another duh. But going from $50,000 to $50 million a year will not dramatically affect happiness, said Daniel Gilbert, a professor of psychology and author of Stumbling on Happiness. It also makes sense that happily married people are generally happier overalland this may be correlated to the fact that married people actually have sex more frequently than singles (despite what it looks like on TV) and sex and exercise are two things that make us generally feel better.
Gilbert also points out that you dont have to be happy 100 percent of the time to be happy. Were not supposed to be happy all the time. For instance, its not good to feel overjoyed about being in a dark alley at night, he points out. Happiness is a direction to move toward. Its a place to visit, not a place to live.
What I hear these folks saying is the art of being an upbeat person can be practiced and learned, like a habit. Happiness isnt always bliss. We will all go through grief, difficult times and turmoil. But knowing that we can gravitate toward being happy or joyous in our spirits is a gift to claim. The Livingparaphrase of the Bible translates the well-known blessed of the beatitudes as happy. Happy are those who long to be just and good, for they shall be completely satisfied, says verse 6. You may want to read the passage right now, substituting the word happy for blessed. I bet youll feel happier in the end.
For a copy of my free booklet, 14 Days to a Better You, write to melodied@thirdwaymedia.org or by regular mail, Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22803.
Another Way is a column from Third Way Media by Melodie Davis. She is the author of nine books, most recently Whatever Happened to Dinner and has written Another Way since 1987. She is also the producer and cohost of Shaping Families radio program (shapingfamilies.com) airing nationally.
