Editors Note: This is the last in a three-part series on todays social media, and how parents are using Facebook, blogs and technology to connect. Todays column is written by guest columnist Matthew Kauffman Smith, Portland, Ore., who writes occasional media reviews for Third Way Café Web site.
Im probably one of the few people in the world who had an epiphany at Fiesta Texas amusement park. Maybe I scrambled my brain from riding the worlds largest wooden roller coaster 10 times in one day, but when I stepped off the Rattler for the last time in the summer of 1992, I realized what I wanted to be when I grew up: a house husband.
Never mind that I was only 20 years old, wasnt dating and didnt have any prospects: I decided that day that I was going to start a magazine dedicated to domestic dads. The glossy mag would feature essays about fatherhood, review childrens media and cover the latest trends in the world of stay-at-home dads.
Nearly two decades later, I have completed the first half of my plan. I have been a part-time, stay-at-home dad for nearly six years, working three 10-hour shifts per week, and staying at home two and a half days during the week with daughters, Ella, 5, and Marin, 3. The magazine remains merely a vision, but if I had launched it, I would have a growing audience.
While the number of full-time stay-at-home moms shrunk by 200,000 from 2008 to 2009, the Census Bureau reports that stay-at-home dads stayed around 158,000. In addition, a recent Pew Research Center study concluded that married women now earn more and are more educated than their married male counterparts, meaning traditional gender roles are trending toward domestic androgyny. Because of this trend, the stay-at-home dad base will continue to grow, as will online resources for dads.
I recently joined Portlanddad, a Yahoo group of more than 200 stay-at-home dads in the Portland, Ore. area. The group convenes for hikes and zoo trips and also uses the forum to compare stories, share links to blogs and ask each other advice. While were growing as a group, stay-at-home dads are still in the minority. When I take my daughter to story time or elsewhere, the mom to dad ratio is at least 5:1. And stay-at-home dads are usually pretty easy to spot: if we still have hair, were the ones in baseball caps and a three-day scruff on our faces because showering and shaving arent a priority.
Shaving and showering, while hygienically advised, means 20 minutes less time I have to prepare dinner, send an e-mail or check college basketball scores during my youngest daughters naptime. Its all about choices. Before kids, I kept up with movies, the latest music and TV shows and now I focus mainly on music. I used to throw Oscar parties, make predictions and wake up at 5 a.m. just to hear the Oscar announcement. This year I didnt even realize the nominations were out until a week later. Likewise, when it comes to social networking, I choose to neglect it for the most part. I did start a blog two years ago and I have Twitter and Facebook accounts, but I really only pay attention to Facebook.
I have noticed that my mom friends on Facebook post updates such as Does anyone know of a good kids barber? or Katie is sick with the swine flu, to which all of the other moms offer answers or sympathy. My fellow dads post things like Jimmy fell in the toilet today and I couldnt help taking a picture. Last week, I posted an update about how I said to my daughter, Ella: Please dont wear your underwear as a necklace, to which another dad replied that at least that scenario is better than wearing your necklace as underwear. Generally Im finding that my mom friends use social networking as a way to connect with moms and find answers to help with parenting while my dad friends use it more as a diversion from parenting.
Thats not to say we dads dont connect. Recently I received a text from a fellow stay-at-home dad asking if Marin and I wanted to go to the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry. At the time I was at Kinkos making copies while my daughter tugged at my pants telling me she had to go to the bathroom. We carry a portable potty in our hatchback just for these purposes, so I was simultaneously texting back yes, looking for baby wipes, and listening to Marin yell wipe my bum in the parking lot. When we arrived at the crowded museum, my cap-wearing and unshaven friend and I were the lone males, save the dads who were there with their whole families. While the kids played in the sand and built towers, my friend and I talked about choosing to stay at home over focusing on careers.
I have a job that isnt in my chosen field but offers flexibility in schedule that is both rare and, in my case, desired. After our kids are in school and we can focus more on our preferred careers, are our skill sets still relevant in our evolving fields? My answer is no. I was a former newspaper reporter and college journalism instructor. With journalism jobs scarce and the number of college journalism programs dwindling – not to mention the number of laid-off reporters looking for similar jobs – Ill probably need to look elsewhere. Because Im a stay-at-home dad, Im not as marketable as I once was.
But Im not bemoaning this fact. After all, that was part of the master plan.
You can visit Another Way on the Web at www.thirdway.com.
Melodie Davis is the author of seven books and has written Another Way since 1987. She and her husband have three adult daughters.
