Dear Tanya,
I wrote a column when your oldest sister, our first born, got married so I shouldnt cheat you. The middle child always kind of gets passed over on these firstsdont you think? Im sure Ill write something special if and when your youngest sisterour last borngets married so it would be a shame not to offer special memories/reflections for you. I dont get to do a toast at the wedding (Id probably just cry anyway) so here is my toast of sorts to you and your future. And Ill try to make this something that people beyond my mother and family will read, such as any middle child or the parent of one.
If you got looked over in your growing up years, you can maybe thank the good Lord for your middle status, because that, or your genes, or your environment, gave you the ability to set goals, pursue them doggedly, and achieve them. You have carved out your own special niche and perhaps that is the gift of being a middle child. (Truth be told, there are special advantages to each position in the family, I would guess.)
Looking back, like many second born kids, you were slower at talking because your older sister did a lot of talking for you. Born almost two years apart, she was always ahead of you and you kind of watched her in awe or fascinationa mix of bigger version of yourself/pint-sized version of your parents. But by age four you were establishing your own personality: a picture of you standing on a chair, apron wrapped around you, diligently scrubbing the kitchen sink comes to mind. I dont have any pictures of your older sister doing that. You pursed your lips as you focused on cleaning.
I remember, too, one day, playing office with you and you kept harassing me with more over-the-shoulder bossing than Ive ever had to endure at my real job. Thank goodness. Hmm, signs of a future good administrator (minus looking over the shoulder).
Too many of your photos have your everlasting thumb plunked in your mouththumb sucking was one of the huge challenges of your early years. I remember also a fierce bout with the chicken pox, including one you scratched so hard you got a staph infection and I was too dumb to catch on until it was a really big deal. Somewhere along the way, you discovered music and I encouraged it as a way to busy your hands so you wouldnt thumb suck. You were perfectly suited for music lessons, beginning as soon as the piano teacher would take you, and diligently practicing almost every day with few reminders from me. By sixth grade you were anxious to begin flute and thanks to a savvy middle school band teacher who advised us to get professional lessons for youby college you were pursuing music industry as your major. A wonderfully practical major marrying your love for music with hard-nosed business courses which prepared you for your job now as an artistic administrator for a mid-sized city symphony.
Which is how you met the love of your life, dear Jon, working in that Nashville studio the summer you did an internship there. And now you are (finally) getting married June 4almost the same day as your great-grandparents, Barbara and Uriah, anniversary on June 3. Their years together topped 60 and they both lived to a good ripe age. Thats a special legacy and goal to pursue. Their love and devotion was something I witnessed as a small child and remember so keenlyhow your great-grandpa brought a fresh rose to put in her hands each day at the funeral home before her burial (folks in Indiana often had multiple days for viewing). May such love and devotion be yours as well. They had nine children together. I doubt youll go for nine but we pray the children you both want will be added to your home. I see signs in both you and Jon of being loving, wonderful parents.
To master parenthood, you have laid a good foundation for a long lasting marriage by taking plenty of time to tie the knot. No marriage is perfect and no human is perfect, so be prepared to offer each other plenty of forgiveness, patience, and if there are communication problems, take a rest and try again. And we pray for faith to guide your ways. You will be a beautiful bride because you are a beautiful person that any mom would be proud to claim. Jon is a good guy who knows your gifts and your faults, so we pray for the glue that will hold you together through better and worse. Best wishes always, Mom.
For a free copy of my booklet on marriage, The Six Cs of Marriage, write to: Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22802, or melodied@mennomedia.org
Another Way is a column from Third Way Media by Melodie Davis. She is the author of nine books, most recently Whatever Happened to Dinner and has written Another Way since 1987. She is also the producer and co-host of Shaping Families radio program (shapingfamilies.com) airing nationally.
