Brake lights in ‘Next Gen’ racecar? Not bloody likely
- Tom Rife: Livin' the Team
- February 11, 2021
- 1276
No right-minded gearhead (is that an oxymoron?) would dare allow the advent of another NASCAR season to go unmentioned. And so, with one Florida-hosted Super Bowl in the books this month (Tom Brady haters be silent), we watch in exaltation as the Super Bowl of stock car racing takes the green flag Sunday afternoon.
The Daytona 500 — aka “The Great American Race” — opens the 2021 Cup chase with a fuzzy-faced kid named Chase Elliott as the defending Series champion. Because wives and girlfriends everywhere demand Valentine’s Day not be ignored, here’s hoping for a repeat performance by Dawsonville’s lovable second-generation leadfoot.
Or give the nod to Ryan Newman this time around. He wound up on his roof and in the hospital last year, miraculously walking out of the Halifax Health Medical Center two days later with his two young daughters at his side. Newman insists he has no fear because he can’t remember anything about his fiery crash.
At the very least, let’s pray for a safe day for everyone involved. This year marks the 20th anniversary of Dale Earnhardt’s death in the Daytona 500.
As with all previous NASCAR openers, a tool box full of questions and uncertainties persists. The suits who govern the sport are scheming to survive yet another season of eroding attendance figures, shrinking corporate sponsorships and television ratings only a flagman could love.
These are the same blokes who are banking on the “Next Gen” car to launch a new wave of enthusiasm throughout the fan base in 2022. They say all research and development phases of the test vehicle have now been completed, with only the Ford, Chevrolet and Toyota manufacturers to add their distinctive front facias and fake tail-light stickers.
That’s right: not a working brake light or turn signal in sight. And these “Next Gen” cars are supposed to be safer? One would think with all the brilliant engineers and mechanics in the garage area (they introduced underglow in last year’s All-Star race), wiring up a simple brake light on the roof (they would never survive on the rear fenders) would be the easiest of tasks — that way every driver on the track would know when the guy he’s pushing (tailgating) is about to slow down.
Perhaps the R&D dudes think the drivers would spend so much time brake-checking one another that they would have no time to check in with spotters, plug sponsors or go beneath the pesky yellow out-of-bounds line like Denny Hamlin did when he won last October’s race at Talladega.
The No. 1 question still remains: How in the name of Dick Trickle will the sport ever rebound from its downward spiral? A quick check of the 500 entry list was more than enough to prove star-power isn’t going to be the magic elixer for 2021. Those hopefuls included the likes of Joey Gase, Josh Bilicki, Cody Ware, Anthony Alfredo, Quin Houff, Garrett Smithley and 62-year-old Derrike Cope, who went to Victory Lane in the 500 back in 1990 because Earnhardt, Sr. ran over a piece of debris and had a Goodyear go flat in Turn 3 of the final lap.
Next thing you know, new NASCAR Hall of Famer Red Farmer will resurrect the Alabama Gang. The 87-year-old outlasted COVID-19 last fall and is said to be almost ready to continue his short-track endeavors.
Yes, it will be interesting to see what the new 23XI Racing team, co-owned by Michael Jordan and Hamlin, does this season. But if NASCAR really wants to see the ratings spike with a crossover newcomer, why not recruit Tom Brady himself to cinch up the belts? Ross Chastain could donate a few ready-to-smash watermelons.
Now with seven Super Bowl rings, TB12 (the ageless wonder always looking to defy the odds) boasts as many championships as stock-car retiree Jimmie Johnson, who is headed to IndyCar for a limited number of road course outings with car owner Chip Ganassi.
One might even conclude putting Brady’s wife, Gisele Bündchen (a Brazilian supermodel), behind the wheel would be a good stunt for the TV ratings.
Or they could always bring in superstar entertainers to perform live between stages. Let Springsteen turn a few laps in an old Jeep. Give Jennifer Lopez one more chance to prove pole dancing is good, clean family fun.
Anderson Cooper in the broadcast booth with QAnon Shaman? Both of ‘em could wear horns and paint their faces. C’mon now, gearheads. Who wouldn’t watch that?