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Indy 500 hero right: ‘The old guys still got it’

• Tom Rife: Livin' the Team
• June 3, 2021
• 1074

Hear ye, hear ye! Calling all geezers! May I have your attention, please?

The fantastic news is out: Us geezers are back in style!

We’re relevant again. We’ve been granted that over-advertised new lease on life. We could even wind up on the cover of Sports Illustrated!

Thank you, Tom Brady, the 43-year-young MVP quarterback of the Super Bowl-champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Thank you, Phil Mickelson, the 50-year-young czar of the PGA Championship, one of golf’s major titles.

Thank you, Helio Castroneves, the 46-year-young sensation of the 105th running of the Indianapolis 500, aka The Greatest Spectacle in Racing.

“So the old guys still got it, still kicking the young guys’ butt, you know! We’re teaching them a lesson,” the Brazilian racer, Dancing with the Stars champ and fence-climbing hero said after drenching himself with the traditional “drink” of milk during his exuberant Indy victory celebration.

I must say watching Castroneves, the Team Penske castoff, trade positions on the track with 24-year-old Spaniard Alex Palou those last 10 laps was the most captivating thing I’ve seen on television in a long, long time. Patricio O’Ward, the 22-year-old from Mexico, was flirting with victory as well, but when “Spiderman” took the checkered, the fist-pumping and screaming erupted in earnest in my living room.

The brick-smooching Castroneves, supposedly making a one-off start for the second-tier Meyer Shank Racing team, became only the fourth driver in Indy 500 history to have his face added to the coveted Borg-Warner Trophy a fourth time. He joins an elite club also consisting of A.J. Foyt, Al Unser and Rick Mears.

Anything but a prerace favorite, Castroneves’ prize was a man-sized wreath of orchids and a payday of $1,828,305. Any bettor brave enough to plunk down $1,000 on Helio was rewarded with a $28,000 payout. Palou, by the way, earned $649,305.

Granted, Tom, Phil and Helio don’t officially qualify for the “senior citizen discount” just yet. But watching the elder statesmen of the sports world enjoy success still lifts this old guy’s old-school soul.

It makes me feel a lot better about my recent acquisition of a 17-year-old Chevy Geezer with just 50,000 actual miles on the “clock.” It’s actually a Cavalier, and I went to a lot of trouble to snap it up online.

Yes, the car originally was purchased brand-spanking new by an 80-year-old woman at the then-Doug dealership in Akron. Upon her recent death, the gem was willed to her son, and I had the privilege to drive it back from Vincent (near Marietta) on only a quarter of tank of gas. Not a spot of rust or Bondo anywhere.

I also feel more secure in the fact that Old Spice remains my deodorant of choice, that I still enjoy having a radio under my pillow at night — a pocket-sized AM-FM that can pull in WLW all the way from Cincinnati.

Converse “Chuck Taylor” sneakers? There’s a pair in my closet.

And every now and then, I’ll buy a roll of Necco wafers or some Cracker Jacks, just for old time’s sake (please don’t tell my doctor). Come to think of it, a bowl of Mother’s Oats might hit the spot for breakfast tomorrow.

My original T-shirt from the grand opening of Oriole Park at Camden Yards (April 6, 1992) looks as new as ever. I own diecast bi-wings and even a 1/18th-scale Case tractor just like the old orange one we used to have down on the farm.

There’s nothing wrong with listening to Johnny Mathis or Patsy Cline. Those hilarious WKRP reruns never grow old.

Let’s go to a drive-in movie — and chow down on a greee-zeee cheese pizza from the concession stand.

I do need some new white socks. All of a sudden, I feel the urge to shop at Schottenstein’s.

Gotta spruce up for the SI photo shoot, remember?

C’mon, folks! We can do it! Just like those other geezers did!