What those house ads really mean
- Laura Moore: Housebroken
- August 27, 2024
- 532
After years of buying and selling our various houses, Taller Half and I have come to the same conclusion — houses and humans aren’t that different.
Whether it’s a house looking for a buyer or a human looking for a mate, the same rule applies — accentuate the positive, discount the negative.
Keep this in mind when reading houses for sale ads. For example, this description caught my eye several years ago: “Big, old house in pastoral setting perfect for the family who longs to enjoy the peace and quiet of country living.” It sounded great, so we made an appointment to visit her.
After driving 20 miles out of town, the last two on a gravel road, we found the house. She was just as described — big and old. There were six bedrooms upstairs and one bathroom downstairs. Each bedroom had a very small closet. The pastoral setting consisted of several acres, hip-deep in weeds.
It’s taken years, but Taller Half and I have learned how to read house ads. It’s all a matter of learning the terminology. For instance, in “cute bungalow in prime location,” cute means small, and prime location means expensive.
Owner motivated is exactly what it sounds like — desperation. The place has a debt-grip on her owner and won’t let go.
Dream house means an expensive house with a dream of glory. The owner is suffering nightmares.
Starter home is another way of saying for beginners only — experienced homeowners will know better.
Executive home is fairly straightforward: The house has extremely high future-owner income standards.
Move-up house is for homeowners living in a small house with too little debt.
The perfect house is total fantasy — there is no such thing.
A steal is my favorite. It is upfront and honest: That place needs so much work it will rob you blind.