A conversation with my twenty-three year old self (COLUMN)

  • melissa herrera (column)
  • August 13, 2012
  • 339
                        
COLUMN SUMMARY: Ever wish you could travel back in time and tell your younger self a few things? Tell them about stuff that doesn't matter and stuff that does? I did this today. It was cathartic. Hey there! Yes, I’m talking to you – the one with the dark brown hair that glints in the sun with no trace of gray. It’s me, well it’s “us” twenty years down the road. Yes, my hair is super short and funky. Don’t freak out or run away, it’s just a wrinkle in time that’s allowing me to talk to you. I’m from your future and I have a lot of advice for you. You may not take it or think this is nuts, but give me a listen. Put your beautiful almost two year old daughter to bed, set that book down, turn off Oprah, and give me your full attention. You can start your husband’s supper when I’m finished – you’ll have plenty of time: For one, turn off those soap operas. General Hospital never gets any better and the Luke and Laura storyline will never be as good as in 1984. Those hours wasted in front of the TV will never be given back to you. I will refrain from telling you about Facebook and it’s time-sucking ways. Appreciate your hair. With each successive baby it will get thinner and thinner until one day you will realize it can’t be longish anymore. I do love my hair now, but miss the days when the stylists at the salon told me I had enough hair on my head for three people. Do something funky with it earlier instead of letting it slide into the “I-have-three-babies-and-no-time” style. That doesn’t, and never will, suit you. And never listen to anyone who tells you to let your hair gray naturally. Wait, we never listened to that anyway. Do the reds, deep browns, and blonde high lights and never look back. Stop worrying about having a car that’s cool. I’ll tell you what’s cool, and that’s no car payment. When you want to trade in the nearly paid off Mercury Lynx for the cool white Geo Prizm – don’t. That payment is nothing but money in the bank’s pocket. I would drive it two more years, then trade up for something slightly better with no high payment. Banks want your business, and remember, this is the 90’s – everyone gets a loan. Although, when you see the Mazda 626 several years down the road just buy it. That was a good choice. We have been without a car payment now for a year. We have three vehicles, five drivers, and very good insurance. No car payments are like sitting on the beach with a cool drink. I recommend it you aim for it. Cut those credit cards up. Now. No one needs an Elder-Beerman, Sears, AND Fashion Bug card in one wallet. Use cash for all clothing purchases because you’ll be paying for them ten years from now if you don’t stop. We have been credit card free for almost twelve years now. Stop gasping and close your mouth – it was the best thing we ever did. No more temptation for dumb things we couldn’t afford. That’s what a credit card allows you – buying power for things you don’t need and don’t have cash for. It will also save you a lot of arguments with your husband. “Honey, you bought those expensive shoes, so I thought I would buy these outfits.” Stop being immature. It’s not a shopping contest to see who can buy the most things. That Brother Word Processor you bought from Sears will be your stupidest purchase. I want to stop you before you get to that day. When you buy your house in 1996, several months before your last baby is born, breathe a sigh of relief. We still live in this house so you made a wise choice in this area. The loan is a good one, no adjustable interest rate in sight. Keep this payment though, and don’t become swayed by enticing offers. Refinance only when the rates are down, and above all, be satisfied. You don’t need more than you have. If I can leave you with several more sage words of advice, it would be these: Eat healthier. Salads and fruits are good for you. Chocolate chip cookies are best straight from the oven as are brownies, but don’t make them every Friday night. Pay attention and stay alert. When you have an inkling something is going on with someone, it is. Your book is not more important than what your spouse is telling you – the storyline will be there tomorrow. Grow a spine and think for yourself. Never let someone tell you what to do with your day. Don’t listen to negativity. Spend more time with your kids instead of feeling trapped in the house. They grow up and move away to Florida and you will go sometimes go eight months at a time without seeing them. Dancing around the house to Disney movies is good – those are times you will cherish. Don’t stock up on so many VHS tapes – they don’t last and you will have piles of them you don’t know what to do with. Aldi’s was a good tip from your neighbor back in 1991 – I still shop there today. And don’t put that paper and pen away with your poems, thoughts, and dreams. You will wish you had been writing all those years when you thought you didn’t have time. But don’t worry, the writing will come back with a vengeance. I have to go. It’s time to get ready for work – yes, I work at an office for now. Three days a week as I only have two kids left at home, but with their feet out the door. One will be a senior and the other a junior. Our oldest is a senior in college. The time goes quickly so hug their tiny bodies and breathe in that scent of outdoors and chocolate milk on their necks. I have lots of dreams in my head that are coming to fruition, but wanted to plant that seed in you, my younger self. You are in a place where you think there is nothing else but diapers and bottles. Hold steady, my love, twenty years from now you will love you husband more than you thought possible. You will be on the cusp of your dreams, ready to launch your children into the world. Love freely, spend time, and above all else, listen to what YOU want – not what others tell you you should want. Now go and cook that supper for your husband, he is the truest friend you will ever have. Listen to him, he has a few dreams to share that will soon change your life.


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