A new year and a new outlook

  • Mike Dewey
  • December 26, 2011
  • 372
                        
SUMMARY: It's not an easy time of year, but it can be illuminating as Mike Dewey discovers, ruminating and reflecting, figuring out what comes next: It'll be fine, trust him. Quiet. Simple silence. That's what the week between Christmas and New Year's is all about, a chance to not only catch your breath, but to hold it close and private and say to yourself, "OK, I made it through another holiday season and no one got mad at me." Because that's always a looming, glooming possibility, the off-chance mishap that'll shift everything and, all of a sudden, you're facing new calendar year with bridges to mend. Or fences to fortify. "You seem a little distant," your spouse might say ... or you could find yourself thinking, "Hmm ... I can't remember the last time I felt so lost in the noise of the holidays." It can all flip so fast, you wouldn't even believe it. Let me offer you two quick scenes from a badly spent past: She: "You mean so much to me, but ..." Me: "What?" She: "There's someone else." Me: "Oh." And then there's always this one: She "It's not you, it's me." Me: "I'm not sure I understand." She: "I'm leaving you." Me: "Oh." And that's the way the holiday season can go. Christmas break-ups probably outnumber New Year's Eve engagements by a margin of 200 to 1. They just happen. I remember one time ... I was handling it just fine, the break-up, and a friend knocked on my door, wanting to ease the pain and I just said, "Go away." Because all I wanted was the simple silence of this time of year. It's a social Fezziwig time of year. A get-back-to-basics times of year. A have-fun-and-be-merry time of year. I don't know ... I think everyone should have this week off, just to jet off to Jamaica or write in his or her journal or to try new recipes or to walk alone in the snow. But that's not what's happening. People have to work longer hours for less wages. They have to cling to jobs they'd just as soon jettison. They live lives cowering, fearing the worst. We can't even enjoy the week between Christmas and New Year's. "Are you all right?" my wife asked me the other night, seeking to console me after another horrid nightmare had ripped my slumber to shreds. "Yeah," I said. I wish I didn't dream as often and as deeply as I do. That would make everything easier. But easy isn't the way it is. What was that line from "The Big Chill," the one William Hurt utters near the end? Oh, yeah, he says something like, "It's a cold world out there ... and we're going to have face it again tomorrow." When I watch that scene, all I want is quiet, simple silence. Because it's true. What was that Doors line? "No one here gets out alive" ... that's it. My mother used to bake a ham on New Year's Day ...said it was good luck. Student of tradition that I am, I will maintain that legacy as this year bleeds into the next and I've already made this entreaty to my wife: "Please," I've said, "just stay out of the kitchen and let me handle it. You can relax and I can cook." This might be part of the reason I'm loved. If so, I'll take on the burden. Something about making meals, listening to my music, knowing that I know what I'm doing: It all feels fine. It's hard to explain, but I'd rather know that she's happy waiting than anxious helping me. There's a solitude I enjoy in the kitchen, a sense that no matter what, everything is in my hands. Years and years ago, we used to have my wife's family in the afternoon and mine in the evening ... and I loved that. You know what was cool? Making breakfast for 15, lunch for 10 and dinner for 12. I never got tired of that. Small things stay with me: working three skillets at once ... double-checking the six-slice toasters ... handling the electric carving knife ... making sure the music fed the mood. Oh, well. There's a new year upon us and I believe we have be to not only well fed but optimistic. The holidays are a time for reconnecting, rejuvenating, rejoicing ... after all, it could be a whole lot worse. So don't let dark and bleak January daunt you. Smash through the barrier, be bold, stay strong. And, for God's sake, enjoy the quiet when you can find it. Mike Dewey can be emailed at CarolinamikeD@aol.com or snail-mailed at 6211 Cardinal Drive, New Bern, NC 28560.


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