A Place in the Heart: Adopted Sons Complete an Area Family
By Teri Stein
December 10, 2011
336
Summary: With a houseful of rambunctious youngsters these former foster parents are sure to find joy if not peace in their household this holiday season. With two adopted sons and a child of their own, Mike and his wife, Debbie, of Tuscarawas County, plan to continue making memorable holiday traditions with their family.
After 16 years together with the freedom to do whatever they wanted, life took a very different turn for one Tuscarawas County couple and they wouldnt have it any other way. Its challenging, but this is what weve always wanted, said Debbie.
After trying for years to have a child of their own without success, the couple decided to add to their family through adoption and along the way had a child of their own too. Its a life changing decision that you make especially with the ages that they are, said Debbie. The couple now has two adopted sons and one birth child ages two, four, and five.
Instead of leisurely weekends golfing, family activities now take center stage like visiting Tuscora Park or going for rides together in their jeep.
The couple went through Tuscarawas County Job and Family Services to adopt; the agency requires those wishing to adopt initially serve as foster parents. Fostering was wonderful. It was a very positive experience, said Debbie adding that the local JFS agency does an excellent job of supporting foster families.
Mike and Debbie were surprised to learn during the adoption process for their first son that Debbie was pregnant, bringing their family to two children. Another child they were to foster for a only a weekend became the final son to be adopted and the one most in need of a safe, secure, and loving place to call home. The boy, removed from his birth family at two years old, had had multiple placements in his short life.
After fostering the boy for a weekend the couple learned that the family he had been staying with no longer wanted to care for him and had unexpectedly dropped him off at the JFS office just a day after Mike and Debbie had returned him.
He destroyed our house at first. We werent prepared. We didnt know what to expect. There was no warning, no planning, said Mike of the boy whose fears prompted him to act out. He had some attachment issues but hes coming around nicely.
Concerns about what would happen in the boys future convinced Mike and Debbie to permanently take the child into their family.
We went back and forth but it came down to if hes not with us where will he be, said Mike. You cant expect him to move from home to home.
The thought of what would happen to him if we gave up on him was more than we could stand, said Debbie. He had trust issues. If we would go for a ride and take a different route, he was worried he was going to be dropped off. He wont feel stable for a couple of years and we know that. Hes a resilient little boy.
The couple has seen positive changes in the boy using techniques they learned through JFS including redirecting and one called a time in. With a time in, instead of sending a child to a time out where they are alone, the child has to stay directly with a parent at all times. I had him hold onto my belt loop while I did dishes, said Debbie. The technique worked well, often after ten minutes he was tired of being there and eager to go back to playing with the other boys.
Giving positive attention works too. He just lights up when you give him some praise, said Mike.
With three boys to keep life interesting, the couple found its best to structure the boys time. Anything we can control, we do, said Debbie. We have to have a very strict routine and be very predictable, added Mike saying that it prevents acting out behaviors.
Now the family is looking forward to Christmas. The kids cant wait to put up the tree, because they think Santa has nowhere to put the presents without the tree, said Mike.
More foster and adoptive families are always needed. Once an adoption is complete, families are given a year off from foster care so they can adjust. Mike and Debbie, as with most other couples who feel their families are complete, have retired from offering foster care.
The need for care is great; recently 106 children were in foster care or adoptive placement in Tuscarawas County. At times, the agency has had up to 150 children needing housing. Anyone interested in becoming foster parents should contact Gayle Hahn, placement services supervisor at Tuscarawas County Job and Family Services.
