Summary: Angela blogs about enhancing the structure in a childs life.
Providing structure in a childs life is an element thats been mentioned in previous blogs, but not fully explored. In this blog, I will describe some helpful ways to find a healthy rhythm for your family. Structure provides safety and security for childrenit is like a heavy blanket that comforts and soothes.
To begin, establish or fine-tune the daily routine. Determine what will fill your childs life. What kind of extracurricular activities will consume the evenings or weekends? When are these projects? How much time do they take up? This will help you determine what times of the day need structure.
I found advice on the website, http://www.kathyeugster.com/articles/article005.htm, which details the best ways to improve structure. The author suggests making the day-to-day life predictable and consistent. There should be established morning, mealtime and bed routines. Upon returning from school, kids should know what follows. Whether its a snack, homework time, or some other activity, it should be consistent. This reduces anxiety and the potential for inappropriate behaviors.
According to the site, constructing routines also helps kids understand that life runs more smoothly when there is organization and preparation. Further, it helps them learn how to take care of themselves.
The author also broke down how to build rules and discipline around the daily schedule. The three were developing family rules, using rewards and using consequences.
First of all, for starters, consider your house rules. Are they spelled out or very vague? Are they understood by your children or do you make them up as you go? Are they fair and at the same level as your childs development? Naturally, rules will change and evolve as your child ages. It helps to write them out and place them somewhere visible. They remind you and your kiddo what is expected. After determining the rules, make sure to explain them to your child. Be specific about why they are important.
Here are some general examples:
-No hitting.
-No name calling.
-Clean up your toys after playing.
-Put dishes away after dinner.
More examples of rules can be found at http://www.theconfidentmom.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/HouseRules.pdf. Remember to review the rules frequently and praise your child for abiding by the rules, behaving respectfully or getting along with her siblingseven if these moments are as mythological as Big Foot. Catch them doing the right thing and explode with excitement.
The first website was excellent at describing appropriate consequences. Logical, natural consequences are the best. Make them realistic and appropriate to what a real-life consequence would be. Examples might include losing privileges, losing a toy or gadget or taking a time out. Parents can try taking away TV time, revoking a cell phone, game system or social event. Keep the time frame reasonable and proportionate to the crime. Itll be easier to enforce. Avoid any power struggle or argument that may follow.
Another great consequence for leaving toys outwhich is a common parental complaintmight be clutter jail. When the parent sees something that has not been put away, the parent confiscates the item and places it in a box. Then, the child must complete a chore in order to get the toy back. This project can be created by following this link: http://zitzmanfam.blogspot.com/2012/05/chores-pinteresting-wednesday.html.
When noticing the problem behavior, the parent should first remind the child of the house rule, warn of the consequence and then enforce the consequence. Its also helpful, especially for young children, to direct them to what they can do. A parent might say, You cant play behind the couch, but you can play on the floor. Providing options can make a big difference and reduce the likelihood of resistance.
As you follow through with the consequence, be sure to continue connecting the behavior with the consequence. Include the rule that was broken. The website explained that its OK to reinforce the rule more than once, but after giving one warning of the impending consequence, its important to then follow-through. Kids will be less likely to push your limits if you do this consistently.
Further, the parent should try to control as much of the environment as possible. The website added that parents should assure their children wont be in situations where they have many opportunities to get tired, hungry, overly bored or frustrated. Obviously, these are building blocks for melt downs and temper tantrums. Not all of these situations are predictable, but when they are, control for them. Additionally, offering simple distractions, especially for young children, can ward off tantrums as well.
As any parent knows, flexibility, patience and consideration of the childs development are crucial when choosing rules, rewards and consequences. Most families have more than one child, too, which makes this even more difficult. Finding what works will just be a matter of trial and errorweaving different kinds of fabric into this blanket of structure.
And dont forget to listen to your children. They may offer insight into the dynamics. They may have a fair argument for an unjust rule or discipline method. Its great to include them in these discussions. Thats what youre aiming for in the grand scheme of thingsan assertive, independent, cooperative human being. After all, this is probably easy to forget when hes screaming and crying because he didnt get the same amount of candy as his sister.
