Every home has a division of labor

  • By Mike Dewey
  • June 19, 2011
  • 263
                        
SUMMARY: When couples commit, there's a collision of competence. Mike Dewey examines this phenomenon by way of "The Graduate," with bird baths and flowers, beef stroganoff and broken things made whole again. There's a scene in "The Graduate" that I used to think was kind of snarky. Arrogant. Intended to ordinary folks feel, well, ordinary. But now, I'm not so sure. Dustin Hoffman's chased Kathleen Ross to Berkeley and he's been shadowing her, hoping to get back in her good graces, despite the fact that he's carried on an affair with her mother all summer. Anne Bancroft is, of course, the famous Mrs Robinson. Elaine is engaged to guy named Carl Smith, a WASP with no real soul, but he's solid and reliable, neither of which adjective could ever be applied to Benjamin Braddock. He's chased Elaine to the library wonders what Elaine's fiancee is like. "He says we make a pretty good team," Elaine says, sending Ben in a paroxysm of self-superior laughter. "Oh, no," he says. "He didn't say that!" Now I've seen "The Graduate" dozens of times since it was released in 1967 and I've always snickered at that line, but I think I have to revisit boring Carl's vision. Marriage is, to a large extent, exactly that: making a pretty good team. I've been with the woman I married since 1987 and believe me, she's way too good for me. I married way up. But I'm not without my strengths, either, though I wish I were better figuring out "Whodunit" when we watch the same movie or read the same book. "How do you know he's guilty?" I'll ask, flabbergasted, as my wife dissects a scene. "I thought he was a good guy!" Then again, I keep all our plants and flowers, indoors and out, thriving, through the hottest summers we've ever experienced. And my wife can't get a seed to sprout. That's what I'm curious about this week. In our home, there's a long-established and time-tested division of labor. I wonder if the same principle applies in yours. For example, I've always been in charge of garbage, making sure to separate the recyclables from the run-of-the mill trash. Every night, I empty the waste baskets in our house and maintain a grip on the waste. And, of course, I make sure all of makes it to the curb in time for weekly pickup. My wife, on the other hand, handles the finances. All of them. Every bill and check. I have no idea what's in her ledgers. I just turn everything I make to her and hope we aren't evicted. I do all the cooking and grilling, though my wife makes a beef stroganoff that I've never been able to replicate. It's soooo delicious. But I can hold my own in the kitchen, whether preparing a meal for the two of us or feeding a dozen. And when we travel, my wife makes all the reservations and arranges for all the activities we'll experience. She's so gifted at that. I remember a summer day around 1997 and we were sitting on the front porch back home. I said something like, "I've always wanted to spend time in Rhode Island" and, by time I'd walked back from the store with steaks and baked potatoes for our supper, she'd already arranged five days in Narragansett, right on the Atlantic. I like to drive on the backroads. She's an ace on the interstates. I like to watch the moon all night. My wife's a morning person, who loves seeing the sun rise over the ocean. I can program a VCR and hook up a stereo. She can make sure a rental car is waiting at the airport. I can deal with lawyers and landlords. My wife makes sure that the carpets are vacuumed and that the birdbath has plenty of clean water. We do our own laundry, though she divides hers between whites and colors and I split it between stuff than go in the dryer and on the line. We change the bed linens weekly, together. I cut the grass, rake the leaves and shovel the snow, back when we were living in Ohio and snow was a reality. My wife reminds me of birthday cards that have to been sent, anniversaries to be remembered and upcoming graduations and weddings. I fix things that break, wind chimes and dishes, ashtrays and Christmas ornaments. She acquaints me with the latest in technology and instructs me on how to enjoy my Kindle or how to work my new cell phone. We both do the dishes. My wife loves Traffic. I'm a Stones freak. We both consider Neil Young to be a god. She's into Nora Roberts. I'm a John Updike fan. We both loved the Harry Potter novels. My wife enjoys watching ice hockey. I'm a baseball geek. We both share a passion for Notre Dame football Saturdays. She keeps a journal. I write this weekly column. We are part of the same story. We love each oher. We do, in fact, make a pretty good team. Mike Dewey can be emailed at CarolinamikeD@aol.com or snail-mailed at 6211 Cardinal Drive, New Bern, NC 28560.


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