Hoping for Healing: Survivors of Sexual Abuse Speak Out
By Denice Rovira Hazlett
April 21, 2011
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Summary: Do you still have the summary I submitted with the original article?
(Italicize this paragraph and place at the top of the article) The subject matter and content of this article is not suitable for children and might be disturbing to some readers. All people in the article live and work in Holmes and Wayne counties, though
their names and some details have been changed to protect their privacy.
Anna is dark-haired and quiet. She pauses for long moments before speaking. Its not that shes hesitant to talk about what happened--she has waited long enough, she says, and needs to tell someone her story. She's worried about protecting others, keeping them from hurt and embarrassment. Anna has never told anyone--not family, friends or authorities--what she endured behind the closed doors of a family friends home twenty years ago when she was just eleven years old.
Rickie has talked openly with friends and counselors about the sexual abuse she experienced from age six. The perpetrator, her older sister, was likely sexually abused by their father during visitations to his apartment. The two sisters spent many weekends there surrounded by pornography, alcohol and marijuana use, often surviving weekends by themselves on a half-gallon of juice and a bag of potato chips.
Parker's parents were happily married and had just welcomed their second child. His mother had carefully sought a bright, busy preschool run by a delightful, religiously conservative couple. It wasn't until the male owner was arrested that Parkers parents realized that he and dozens of other children had been sexually abused by the teacher they had trusted.
Jenny's family never discussed sex. She was sixteen when her father confronted her about her sexual orientation, admitting her to a pediatric psychiatric ward to cure her of her suspected homosexuality. A male patient, taking advantage of the inattentive staff and lack of security, entered her room and raped her. To this day, she fears men and is unable to fully enjoy intimacy. She had only been in the psychiatric ward for one day.
These heartbreaking stories are as varied as the people who have endured them, but each survivor of childhood sexual abuse says they regularly experience feelings of guilt, self-blame, and a fear that they are not who they would have been had the abuse never taken place.
Jenny's case is unusual in that she didn't personally know the perpetrator. About 71% of child sex offenders are trusted by the victim--a family member, babysitter, doctor, or teacher. Most prey on their victims' trust, compassions and natural curiosities: the little Amish girl is lured with offers of fancy dresses and shopping trips; the preschooler is given an opportunity to skip nap-time; the little sister is delighted to tag along with the big kids. After the abuse takes place, the victim is kept quiet with threats and lies: everyone will blame them; they'll lose relationships with loved ones; the abuse is their own fault.
Anna vividly remembers the first time she was raped by an adult family friend at age 11, an incident that led to several years of abuse.
"I remember understanding that this was what it felt like when time stands still."
She didn't tell anyone about the repeated abuse, which is common in such situations. Many children are afraid of hurting their families or angering the abuser. Most feel they they have done something to deserve the abuse.
"He told me that he couldn't help himself because I was so beautiful. I thought I should be flattered that an older man was showing interest in me," said Anna.
According to the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, Anna's feelings are typical. Often, the victim feels that they are special, compelling them to protect the perpetrator. Their sexual abuse may be the only attention or physical contact they're receiving in their lives.
For Anna, the abuse ended when she determined to make herself completely unavailable.
"I realized that I had to do something. I made it impossible for him to come into contact with me, intentionally gained weight and wore baggy clothes to make myself unattractive."
While Anna's choice to gain weight was intentional, studies show that many victims of childhood sexual abuse struggle with food addictions and obesity, especially female survivors of sexual abuse who use food for self-nurturing and numbing the pain. The additional weight also serves as an armor to protect against further abuse. The mind often instinctively does what it can to protect itself, even if it sometimes means self-destruction of the body.
Next weeks article will look more into these survivors stories and how the childhood abuse they experienced affects them today.
Sidebar: If you are experiencing or have experienced sexual abuse, here are some resources you can trust.
Every Womans House
Hotline: (330) 263-1020
Toll-free hotline: 1-800-686-1122
Mental Health Recovery Board of Wayne and Holmes Counties Crisis Team
Emergency number: 1-877-264-9029
RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network)
Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE
Online hotline at www.rainn.org.
Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence
233-3301
Toll-free: (888) 886-8388
http://www.oaesv.org/
If you suspect that a child you know is being sexually abused, an excellent resource can be found at http://tinyurl.com/childhoodabuse.
