I'm Not Me When You're Not Here

  • by Trish Berg
  • June 25, 2014
  • 407
                        
Struggling with loads of laundry, clutter in the kitchen and chaos in your life? Stress can easily steal our joy. Trish Berg reminds us to simplify the small stuff and find Joy in the Journey. I discovered something interesting this past week. I am just not me when Mike is not around. After 22 years of marriage, you would have thought that would not surprise me, yet it did. By the time you read this, Mike and the girls will be back home and life will have returned to normal. But this week, while I am writing this, they are on a week-long mission trip to Peredo Haiti, and I miss them. Deep down I am very proud of them and the work they are doing in Haiti. I am not sure I could travel to another country, live in a hut, get eaten alive by bugs, eat peanut butter and drink only bottled water, and hope not to get Typhoid or Malaria. I also know that they are seeing God at work there through them, and through others who will bless them. But on the surface, I am totally self-centered and I just miss having them here with me. Especially Mike. When they left, the first thing I noticed was that the dynamic of the family changed quite dramatically. Our house is a lot quieter with only three of us home rather than six. Colin and Riley, being younger, just do not have the busy social life as their older sisters do, and so we are home together a lot more. I have noticed that I have less laundry to wash, fewer dishes, less food to cook, and fewer sibling fights to break up. And I have also noticed that I am just not me when Mike is not around. You see, Mike sees the best in me, and loves me in spite of the worst parts of me. He thinks I am beautiful even first thing in the morning with bed head and sleepy eyes. He sees my good intentions even if my actions don’t come across the right way. So, now that he is gone, I miss that. I don’t see the good in me as much as I see the myself as a fixer-upper, and without Mike here, I don’t get help in fixing me up-or at least forgiving me when I make mistakes. So this has been a really tough week for me. I have been quite lonely at times, mostly exhausted from parenting two kids on my own. I have gained a tremendous amount of respect for all the single parents out there who do this full-time. I miss my helper. This doing-it-on-my-own is wearing me down and I don’t know how you single parents do this 24/7. You are impressive for sure! For now, I am spending my time counting the days until Mike and the girls return from Haiti and our family returns to normal. I know they will have amazing stories to tell us about their adventure in Haiti, and I will just be thankful to hear their precious voices. I have no idea what they discovered on their adventure, but on my journey this week, I discovered that I am not me when Mike is not around, and I miss the me he makes me see. By the time you read this, Mike, Hannah and Sydney will all be home once again. Until then, I will keep the faith, count the days, and try to see the me he sees when he is here because I know God does, too. And He will never leave me, even for a week.


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