Breaking up blonde
You'll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too
Lives change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never too late to
Be brand new."
- Innocent by Taylor Swift
This morning was just one of those mornings.
After a particular tough night, I woke up and of course, it was freezing. How annoying. I tried on an outfit and decided it looked terrible. I found something else more suitable, only to realize I was wearing a short-sleeved sweater under a long-sleeved sweater and my shoes were ugly. I didn't really care.
I got into the car and began driving. My boss texted me, telling me her battery died. I turned around to go find her house, although I'm terrible with directions. I'd do anything for her, and besides, we were meeting for coffee before showing up at the office anyway. I was happy to help.
But my windshield wipers needed changed, so I could barely see. I went to use the wiper fluid to clean up the winter slop and dirt, but I was out.
I burst into tears right there behind the steering wheel, gazing out through a mud-encrusted windshield. But I didn't cry for very long. I had to clean myself up and be a normal human being, after all.
When I began writing my blog two weeks ago, I promised myself I would blog like I was writing in a diary. With honesty and vulnerability. Because in the end, that's how people connect with you. You never find yourself feeling close to someone who holds you at an arm's length. I guess I didn't realize I would be pouring my guts out over the Internet in 14 short days. Sorry folks, that's life.
In life, within all of my relationships, both romantically and not, I have noticed that sometimes, being honest is the hardest thing in the world to do. And sometimes, being honest really isn't fun. But I have learned that being honest is always the best policy, even if you will ultimately lose that person. Sometimes, especially when the clock turns 11:11, I wish for everything to just magically fall into place and for all the stress and anxiety associated with growing up to disappear. But then again, I think everybody wishes for that, don't they?
I lost somebody last night. Somebody that meant a lot to me and somebody I will always care about. Somebody I once thought I was going to be with forever. But in life, you have to lose some things to realize what's good for you and what is right. And above all else, you have to stay true to yourself. Someone told me, "You have to be selfish for once," and unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), I think I was this time.
Once again, the reoccurring theme for my blog is obvious – figuring everything out and learning from those mistakes that seem to pop up every once in a while. And despite the problems that arise, being able to hold your head up high and say, "This is me and this is my life."
Today started out rough, but hopefully it will finish on a positive note. My boss bought me coffee and supplied the box of tissues, so I'm off to a good start. Either way, it's the perfect day for Taylor Swift.