Misc. Monday 09-26-11 - What athletes deserve the Charlie Sheen treatment?
First up, Terrell Owens. When Owens joins a team, he brings with him a cancer that will bust apart any locker room. Coaches don't like him, teammates don't like him and even the cheerleaders don't like him, since he likes to steal their pom-poms.
Owens may be the best touchdown celebration artist football has ever seen, but more people have celebrated the fact that he has not been able to sign with a team this season. The diva wide receiver must think that his 37-year-old body can take another season. Owens continues to work hard at getting back, hoping a team will sign him.
Of all the current athletes in professional sports, Owens may be the only one we might actually see dawn the throne at a Comedy Central Roast. And I'm sure Jeffrey Ross and company would not let him off easily.
Up next, how about Mike Vick? When the law and the NFL decided to make him an example, Vick became a great candidate for roasting. Everyone has heard about his dog fighting and prison stint, and most of us know about his little brother’s problems… and roasters are good at going after the honoree’s family.
Now that Vick is back in the league, roasters would be able to get away with even more jokes about him. Vick didn't "let the dogs out,” and now has a $50 million contract, and people can't seem to let go of the fact this man is still able to earn a living. So go fetch your jokes, but chances are, Mike Vick has heard them all.
All right Browns fans, here you go. Alleged rapist, bar-hopper and darn good quarterback, Big Ben Roethlisberger would be next. Cleveland fans would have no problem coming up with some roasting jokes for Ben. Then they would go on to say that Ben only has won Super Bowls because he has a good running game and a great defense, and that makes him not that great of a quarterback. Browns fans, get over the fact you have Colt McCoy already.
Lets face it though, Ben's off-the-field antics would generate the most jokes. But roasters beware of Ben’s posse with whom he rolls, because they are always on the lookout, especially if Ben is in the bathroom. That means you, Lisa Lampanelli.
How about the man that started the rumble at The Palace? That's right, Metta World Peace, formally known as Ron Artest. The Dennis Rodman wannabe could not only be roasted about his brawl in Detroit and his name change, but how about his hairstyle? Someone please let Ron, sorry, Metta World, know that when Dennis did the crazy hairstyle, it was cool and original. Don't be a copycat. It's not cool, Metta.
Oh, Mr. Brett Favre. Wait, he is retired. Or is he? He, like Terrell Owens, I could actually see being roasted. He has to want to see his own face in front of the cameras again by now, right?
OK, one more.
Mike Tyson. Now, I know I said we were going to talk about current athletes, but how can I not at least bring up the champ?
The man that once said:
"My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children."
If that doesn't scream psychopath, what does?
Did you hear what Tyson said about Sarah Palin? Google it. My editors won't let me add it, I'm guessing.
Oh, and Tyson has a huge tattoo on his face and the most incredible lisp I have ever heard.
Tyson would be made fun of so bad by the roasters, he is likely to beat the snot out of all of them, or maybe he will just bite off their ears.
So who do you think should get the Charlie Sheen treatment and be the first-ever professional athlete to endure a Comedy Central Roast?
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