I was amused at the mini-huff raised when Great-Grandmother Elizabeth (otherwise known as Queen of England) seemed anxious to be off for her summer holiday at Balmoral Castle in Scotland. Some of the press reports spun that to imply she was royally aloof about the arrival of a new heir in line for the throne, but the actual video of the question by a schoolgirl was simply a casual exchange that I can imagine my mother quipping in a similar fashion (they are practically the same age). Queen Elizabeths exact words in response to whether she wanted a boy or girl, wisely evading the question, was: I dont think I mind [which gender]. I would very much like it to arrive. Im going on holiday. She added there was no sign yet of its imminent arrival.
But celebrities and royalty are used to having their words and photos twisted and tweaked to garner more headlines and attention, such as in this column.
Of that mini-furor I thought: Shes just the great-grandmother for crying out loud (after how many grandchildren)! And this is 2013, a time of instant communication and rapid travel, especially for sitting royalty. Cant she go up to her summer home for a weekend?
Now that two of our daughters are expecting, I find myself paying attention to babies and baby news and things in a way that I havent done for 20 to 30 years, which isnt surprising. And learning a whole lot about how things have changed.
Friends, family and church colleagues gathered to throw a beautiful double baby shower for my own ladies-in-waiting recently, and several of us were surprised to find out that grandmothers now sometimes receive gifts at showers as well. You need things too, a couple of guests said as they brought gift bags for the two grandmas-to-be present. Apparently we need things like diaper wipes, a candy bag, sippy cups for grandmas house, and bibs. Very sweet gesture!
Ive been enjoying email exchanges between my daughters in which they generously include me. Early on, talking about breastfeeding, one daughter said she feels like it really isnt even an option to not nurse among her associatesit is just expected. Great! Lining up childcare SO EARLY. Some do so long before even trying to get pregnant, they tell me. Putting a baby registry together. Never heard of such a thing in the 80s except for weddings.
Both daughters finally wanted to read my pregnancy journal, For the Next Nine Months: Meditations for Everyday of Pregnancy (Zondervan, 1984, available now only from used booksellers online or elsewhere). They had previously only skimmed the book; it pretty exhaustively covers every conceivable topic and major thought/experience I had during my first pregnancy. When they find something that has changed greatly from 30 years ago, like waiting until the right moment to tell your husband, one daughter informed me her husband wanted to be right there with her as she checked the home pregnancy test, so he would know at the same moment she did. Longer ago women might completely keep it a secret, even visiting the doctor without their partners knowledge, and then telling them at an appropriate moment. Long, long ago, when my grandmother was having babies, women often kept such secrets from other family members, and especially the children, right up until a new cry went up from a bedroom signaling the arrival of a new infant. That is how my mom found out her mother was having a new baby.
Our latest email exchange, after the one expecting in September toured the hospital where they hope to give birth, was about my pondering (in 1981) whether or not my insurance would pay for a private room so that the baby could room in with me in order to get used to nursing, nighttime routine, and so on. My daughter said she didnt think there were any double rooms any more, nor could she imagine a maternity ward where four or more mothers were housed, bed after bed, like there used to be in our hospital like an old army barracks. I told them when our oldest daughter was born, my roommate actually smoked in the room. Yes.
No, I didnt much like it, and luckily the roommate was transferred to another room after one day, partially because she was also so homesick for her first child left at home and she was crying into the telephone frequently.
How much has changed, and how glad I am for everything I wrote down. I enjoyed this long forgotten entry about a day when I had treated myself to lunch at a drugstore lunch counter while expecting:
As I soak up the pleasure of being waited on, I remember Momma waiting on us . . . the aroma of roast beef cooking when we came home from church, chocolate chip cookies and apple pie, sweet corn and mashed potatoes. Although its nice to be waited on, I draw some pleasure too from the thought of making home a special place for our little child.
And now I draw even deeper pleasure from the thought that my daughters had a good enough experience growing up that they want to provide this kind of love and home and family for their children-to-be. Maybe that is why everyone tells me being a grandparent is even better than being a parentbecause of this extra, additional level of love and understanding.
For a free copy of another one of my books on parenthood, Why Didnt I Just Raise Radishes: Finding God in the Everyday (Herald Press, 1994) to the first 10 who contact me by snail mail: send to or write to Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22803.
Another Way is a column from MennoMedia by Melodie Davis. She is the author of nine books, most recently Whatever Happened to Dinner and has written Another Way since 1987. She also keeps a blog at www.FindingHarmonyBlog.com.
