I think I'll pass on National Latte Day
- col-dave-mast
- February 9, 2023
- 580
Feb. 11 marks the celebration of National Latte Day, and what better day to confess I have never before tasted coffee.
Some who know me already know this, but for the masses who don’t, let me also fill you in on another exciting (or maybe not) fact: I have never tasted beer either.
That’s right — no beer nor coffee has ever passed my lips.
And which one do people marvel at when I tell them that?
It’s always the coffee.
“What, you’ve never tasted coffee?”
My reply remains steadfast, and I do not plan on changing either of those statements in the near or far future.
Anymore, it has become more of a triumphant challenge more than anything. Nearing 60, I figure I’m maybe one of three or four people in the U.S. of that age who has never tasted either product.
Both drinks are very much a part of the social aspect of life. Much banter takes place around the pub tables and coffee tables of the world. I think with beer it is the sensation of freeing up inhibitions that allows people time to escape and unwind, free themselves to be more social.
Coffee is pretty much the standard go-to for the “Wanna get together? Where should we meet” crowd.
Thus the two drinks that seem to get people together the most are drinks I don’t cherish.
At college I used to go to the local pub and spend an evening with the guys, who would all enjoy a good beer or two (back when the legal drinking age was 18). I’d sit and chat and laugh the night away without a drop of alcohol to my name.
I’m not bragging about this, although for some idiotic reason, I am kinda proud of the fact. It’s not something I expect anyone else to adhere to either. I can go out and be with people who drink either beverage and not bat an eye. Drink what you’d like. I don’t care.
I can have a good time without the beverage of choice.
I am always amazed at how often people tell me I should try this type of coffee, a certain kind of latte or any number of drinks with coffee beans as an integral part of the makeup of a drink.
“Oh, it’s super-sweet. You’ll like it,” they say.
“You can barely taste the coffee,” they’ll spout.
“I don’t care, I’m not drinking it” is always my response.
Oddly, what drove me to my disdain for coffee and beer is similar.
I don’t like the aroma.
I don’t care for the smell of coffee and haven’t since smelling it as a kid. Both my parents drank coffee, and I could never understand the draw. To me it always smells like burnt food of some ilk.
Beer is the same. It smells putrid, and I struggle to find the joy of drinking something that smells so awful.
“It’s an acquired taste,” people tell me on both counts.
Yeah, well, so too is every single other drink and food in the world, and you don’t see me trying to tell people to eat black licorice or fried grasshoppers with great aplomb.
I like black licorice, but I get that I’m in the minority there. But whether it’s a fan favorite or a despised menace, one shouldn’t feel the need to push people into consuming something they don’t like or want.
Same with glazed doughnuts.
I love cake doughnuts. I could pound them all day long. But put a glazed doughnut in front of me and it’s a hard pass. There’s something about the gritty texture I can’t stand. Kind of the same reason I don’t like the beach.
Yet people are forever telling me I need to try this brand of glazed doughnut or that one because they are melt-in-your-mouth goodness.
No thank you. I’ll get my melt-in-your-mouth thrills from dark chocolate and mint chocolate chip ice cream, or perhaps from one of the Guerne Dairy’s famous flavored twist cones.
It’s not that I’m particularly picky about what I shove down my pie hole. I love olives, any kind of olive. Spicy foods are a treat, and I’m a black pepper freak. I enjoy brussels sprouts, collard greens, onions and turnips.
Oddly enough, I love a good hot tea, be it peppermint, cinnamon, earl gray, lemon zest or any number of flavors.
I just don’t do coffee. And beer. And glazed doughnuts. Sadly, I also do not enjoy the taste of water. Maybe because growing up our water at home had so much iron that it seemed as though we were drinking Tang straight out of the faucet.
Over the years I have encountered people who don’t drink either one, but very few who say they have never tasted either.
Someday I will pass away. On my gravestone I am going to state, “Here lies Dave Mast: He never tasted beer or coffee.”
Who knows, maybe it will be discovered drinking beer and coffee adds years to your lifespan. Then people can approach my gravestone and say, “Maybe if you’d have drunk coffee and beer, you wouldn’t be lying 6 feet under right now.”
OK, fair point, but until that day comes, I remain firmly committed to my endeavor to last a lifetime without having either drink touch my lips.
So if you’re celebrating National Latte Day this week, good for you. Enjoy your cup of joe. I’ll find another way to celebrate.
Oddly enough, Feb. 11 also is National Peppermint Patty Day, perhaps my all-time favorite candy ever.
Now that is something I can really sink my teeth into.