What, exactly, does 'romantic dinner' mean?
- Scott Daniels: We Ate Well and Cheaply
- September 3, 2023
- 862
I recently came to the obvious realization that our perception changes over time. What represents a pleasant experience earlier in life may not give the same feeling later. The context for this line of thinking was the changing concept of a romantic dinner. What, exactly, does “romantic dinner” mean to you?
There’s the Hollywood version, of course, which is where we probably get our idea of what such an affair should be. It goes something like getting dressed up in all our finery: a nice jacket and tie, a new stay up by magic strapless dress, shiny shoes, and red lipstick — the works.
Dinner is at a swanky joint that demands reservations be made well ahead, with white tablecloths and giant wine goblets. There’s no rush, so you and your significant other can take the time for good conversation and people watching. I used to know someone who liked to scan the room in any restaurant trying to spot which couples were on a first date, which was actually fun, especially since there was no way to gauge if the guesses were correct.
Once people get more accustomed to one another, the romantic dinner scenario might change. This time our lovers are staying in where they can enjoy some quiet time over a special meal made by one or the other. This is the occasion for candlelight and a little background music. There are no people to watch, but it’s a good time to get to know each other even better.
Couples who stay together and eventually become parents will have an entirely different idea of what makes a romantic dinner for two. As likely as not, just being able to spend time away from the children makes it special.
With a babysitter secured, we’re back at a favorite restaurant among other adults again if we’re lucky. But those early parental years see a lot of romantic dinner money go instead to buying diapers, wipes, bottles, sippy cups and a long parade of clothes that are grown out of within weeks.
It’s just as possible our couple has to settle for a romantic dinner of takeout food hunkered down after the kids are asleep. Sometimes all you really want or need is snacks and a little wine with your person, and that’s fine too.
The same scenario can hold true for those who don’t have children but have been together for a long time. It takes a lot of work to get out the ironing board, shine the shoes and put on something less comfortable. These are the nights when you look at each other and wait for someone to say, “Mind if we just stay home? We can order out and watch a movie and finish the cabernet.”
Couples are willing to let each other slide on this now and then if they’ve been together a while. Post-COVID those dress-up evenings seem to slide further and further into the murky background of memory.
Most of the people I know now only want to get shed of supportive undergarments and slide into some threadbare sweatpants and under a soft throw. That, my friend, is 21st century romance: don’t make me go anywhere and just let me get into my comfy stuff and not move for a while.
The whole thing probably comes full circle once the kids are grown and you have more time and resources again. Now we’re back to making reservations at a special haunt and taking plenty of time over a small dessert while talking about the other couples we know and what they’re up to.
There are times when only fussing will do, but those times seem to get fewer in number. Romance and comfort go hand in hand, and whatever represents a romantic evening for two in your life is the version that is correct. The important thing is to remember to have those evenings now and then.