Momentary Lapses of Reason
Every once in a while, I think the rational part of my brain takes a nap without telling the rest of my body that it's off duty. All the other parts sort of go into autopilot mode and I wind up doing, saying or thinking some pretty ridiculous things.Have you heard the new crosswalks in town? That's right… I asked if you've heard them. Not only do the updated devices flash a signal when it is safe to cross the street, but now some of them flash lights along the crosswalk lines in the street and even make a noise.
The other day, I heard a sound that I can only describe as a perky little novelty horn on a car. I glanced around to see if I could pinpoint the source, expecting to find a suped-up vehicle of some sort. Then I realized the sound was coming from the crosswalk signal. "That's clever…" I thought to myself and went along my merry way. Well, today the very same exact thing happened. And the very same exact thought went through my head before I gave myself an imaginary slap across the forehead and rolled my eyes.
As if that weren't enough to convince you that I'm not always as tuned as I may look, last week I was positive that trash day, which is always on Wednesday, was on Tuesday. So Monday night, I went around the house and collected all of the garbage to take to the curb. I then noticed that none of our neighbors had put out their garbage yet, and they almost always put their trash out before we do. "That's strange," I said to my husband. "I wonder why nobody else has put out their garbage yet?" Then Gary reminded me that I was the one who was confused – not everyone else.
I know I'm not alone in this. We've all made bone headed mistakes or thoughtless comments. I recall one instance when my husband, Gary, while talking on the telephone in his parents' kitchen folded a packet of mayonnaise in half and began mindlessly smacking it against the counter. I can still picture what happened next as though it were a slow-motion replay in my mind. He stepped back from the counter and reached his arm high into the air, then swung down quickly and with force. The mayonnaise packet split at the seams and the well beaten, room-temperature mayo went splattering all across the room, all over Gary, me, and everything else in sight.
I can't count how many times I've been told by a waiter to "Enjoy your meal," and responded "You too!" I've forgotten to make sure the toilet seat was up before assumingly sitting in a pool of cold water and I have driven straight through a stop sign more often than I care to admit.
So the next time you find yourself doing or saying something completely unexplainable or illogical, don't worry. You're probably just having a momentary lapse of reason.